i'll remember you ...Forever!!

Assalamualaikum,

How r u? Me? busylah...so many things to do in the office and i have so many things to tell u....

These business had made me think about certain things that keeps on playing in my creative mind!!! hahahaahahaa....i can't help it laa dear.... i have to let them out!!! You know me...

This how i react when i met someone that i really like...and maybe where we started to go wrong was when we told each other so much. In the beginning, everyone sits talking for hours and doesn't realize it until they get kicked politely out of the restaurant. Is it really this late? But we didn't know when to stop that phase, to settle in. We were too excited and too willing to learn everything.

Now, I'm left not wanting to share my secrets. Or just a few, just enough to reveal me as interesting. A Girl with a Past who has Done Things. But no further.

But now, the hardest part of losing is the sense that you have been silenced, and it matters not that in this case, literally, I was. I threatened not to speak to him again and he dared me this time to do it.

I will call him. Sometime. He could be reading this. I don't withhold my words for lack of love. I want to be kind to him, and I want him to be kind to me. That not impossible. I operate on the painfully optimistic assumption that as the weather improves, it will get possible. Also, I want to be a better person when I see him again. I know he would laugh to hear me say that, but it's true.

Our memories are very convenient. They tell us what to want. I think of right things and he thinks of wrong things we did for each other. I guess I have to respect the gap in wants.

For half an hour every few months, I could be someone. I don't think you realised that, but sitting in the corridor waiting for you made me feel accepted. You would come. And even though I had to wait, several times, you always did. You didn't let me down.

I was lulled into a false sense of security. You told me you'd be there. And yes, you were. You were brilliant. I let you down, but you didn't realise it. By that point, you had too much going on in your head; it was overcrowded. I'd become a number long ago. If only I'd realised that before the last time we met.

We'd been close. We had to be; you weren't allowed to let me slip through the net. I watched you carefully to see if you treated me differently from the others. You did, but only a little. Nothing that anyone else could see.

I won't be left as debris in the river of your memory. I won't even be a pebble on its bank. You will wash me away, put me down as a mistake. I never should have happened. You did the best you could, in the circumstances. Which is why, in two years' time, you will not remember me at all.

But I'll remember you. Forever.