Wednesday, December 31, 2008

My last day in 2008 and my last day in my 34th years... i surrender

Assalamualaikum....

I got nothing much to say...it just i hope i can forget whatever happend in 2008....i've lost my best friends, my buddies, my love ones and i almost lost my job...its too many heartbreaking memories in 2008..i won't look back....

2009 has a good starts for me and i'm glad i'm not alone to go through it..... coz i have you.... and you all i need right here and right now.....coz i surrender all to you... i will always love you sayang....thanks for loving me..

To my friends i always love you and i will always do...sorry for everything, wishing you all the best in everything you do... May God Bless us all....amin....

There's so much life I've left to live
And this fire's burning still
When I watch you look at me
I think I could find the will
To stand for every dream
And forsake the solid ground
And give up this fear within
Of what would happen if they ever knew
I'm in love with you

'Cause I'd surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We'd make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'd make you give them all to me
I'd hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender

I know I can't survive
Another night away from you
You're the reason I go on
And now I need to live the truth
Right now, there's no better time
From this fear I will break free
And I live again with love
And no they can't take that away from me
And they will see... yeah

I’d surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We'd make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'd make you give them all to me
I'd hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender

Every night's getting longer
And this fire is getting stronger, baby
I'll swallow my pride and I'll be alive
CAN'T you hear my call
I surrender

(I'd surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again)
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We'll make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'll make you give them all to me
I'll hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender

Right here, right now
I give my life to live again
I'll break free, take me
My everything I surrender all to you

right now
I give my life to live again
I'll break free, take me
(My everything) My everything (I surrender all to you)

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Life is too short so don't make it complicated!!

Assalamualaikum,

How are you? i'm doing good Alhamdulilah....THis morning while i'm on my way to office something came into my head...there are so many questions pop up on my pagal brains... Why he so scared to admit it? Why is he keeps holding back his feeling? How can he live in denial? Is he scared to love me that much? Or he just take things for granted?

He can has all the jealousy in our friendship but most of the times he got carried away...and he makes me confused and makes me think....what are we actually? Lovers? friends? partners? couples? He's so scared to face the reality. He's so scared to know the fact that he loves me and can't help losing me. I'm not sure about how i feel but one thing for sure that i love him.Period!! Life is too short so don't make it complicated!!

But Yeah,Don’t worry about me, don’t think about me, don’t doubt a second of your life. Breathe tomorrow, like I taught you tonight. And when you get that feeling, slide, slide, slide so mad you can’t hide anymore. Change everything you ever did and thought was familiar. Become me.

I am ok without you. I just tell myself otherwise.

You know my reasons, you wish you had yours.

I wish you’d whisper them into my skin.

I fall asleep to the music, to the droning of nothing here in my world without you. Every day, I tell you all the things I have saved up for someone to savour. You taste my words, but your inner has run dry, has no touch for this pleasure.

It’s spoken knowingly between our hands; I fully understand your incompatibility with life. What if I were to look into your eyes as you tell me again that your ways are useless, though you are not. How would they come to understand if I told them about your innocence, the slight laughter of a heart that can never be fully broken?

Whisper into my skin.

I’m ok when you’re near, thank you.

I never stopped wanting you back, no matter how many beds I tumbled through. In the face of your smugness, it was a schoolgirl crush. Something to prove and you proved it. But you meant more than that to me, and I had more still to give. I relinquish all that now, I will give it in spurts to whomever's heat I can have to feel overnight. I hope that someday you want it back, and find it isn't there.

My heart not enough to bear in close quarters; both too afraid to hurt the other; and the way I had to learn to be happy, really happy, just being quiet and close with him.

If i'm really not the one in your heart and may be we never meant to be with each other, But you must know that i'll always love you and you must know that my love is never ends...

Because, i believe i will love your forever, and i love you in every breath that i take and i believe this love is just for you and only you...and i will love you till my last breath..

Monday, December 29, 2008

i have no idea what it is?

Assalamualaikum,

Sihat? i'm fine...it just there's something bothering me these few days....i'm just confused but i don't how to say it here... its bothering me and i feel so sad to think about it....

I'm not sure i'm doing the right thing in my so called friendship or the other party is taking advantage in this friendship.I don't know what it is?

Just as you start your relationship, look your best-friend-now-significant-other in the eye and remind them that up until now, you have been best friends. You have had and shared the best and worst of times and that even if the relationship should end, that both of you will remember and treasure what you have shared so far.

Relationships come and go, but friendships should last forever.

It always amazes me that so many people cannot remain friends simply because they went out together. What a waste to lose a best friend simply because you couldn't get a relationship to work! You should be mature enough to realise that you may not be 100% compatible with someone else, but that surely doesn't mean you can't be friends.

So in my case i've no idea what is it actually....

A silent hope of a silent future. No yelling, only love, and kisses. I don't know if I should even stay with you. I don't even know if you would even care if I told you how much I care for you now. So I sit here and wonder at we could possibly grow to be, and I think, "I'll give him one more chance." Words I've thought of a hundred times and i know one day this will end...

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Can't take away from me

Assalamualaikum,

I've learned that in this life we have to face some soulfull people, cheerfull people, ambitiuosfull people, helpfull people and the worst is HATEFULL people so that we can learn how to deal with these people and that's where maturity came from.

Hatefull people is the one i'm gonna talking about. Some people are born to be an Hatefull person... sorry to say this but this is the truth.... but the most dangerous one is the one who are don't even know that they are hatefull person. They being so mean in whatever they do.They tell you lies, they create a tense in their relationships and friendship. They love to see people around them hates each other.These HATEFULL people didn't realise what are they doing...they just don't see it. And as friends we hope these HATEFULL person will changed.

I've been with some HATEFULL people around me and i bet you guys been there done that!! Its sucks!!

My friend is getting marry in few days times.. and part of me i wanted to go but to think of there will be some HATEFULL people gonna be at the wedding its really killing me..and i don't want them to spoil my mood and hey...New Years is coming and its also my birthday...so i should have a great starts of 2009 because 2008 was the worst year i ever had... so i'm kinda confuse to go or not to go.

i've been listening to this song again and again to gets some inspirations..and i guess everybody needs inspirations to move on and face the life as it is..Well, enjoy the song and do pay attentions on the lyrics...beautiful!!

Enjoy!!

Saturday, December 27, 2008

A blueprint of my pleasure

Assalamualaikum,

Sihat? Me? ok ok je laa....

I watched the full moon last night as I was driving home. I had just spent a lovely evening with the man I think I have fallen in love with. And I don't think I'm ever going to see him again.

I hid behind the obvious, my pride, your fears, the distance you put between us by going. I told you I loved you. But I never knew if you heard.

I miss you now with a cold fire that burns as painful and as bright as the touch of your skin against mine in that one fleeting moment of that faraway dawn hour. The soft down of you hair, baby smelling baby hair on a rugged powerful man, a shy smile that always surprised me from under the sharp nose and the hooded eyes. The rasping tenderness of your voice and your long loving letters that made me hope as you yourself would never let me hope.

And what you said to me, what you told me once so long ago that no one but me remembers - "you are like a beautiful house full of wonderful treasure. Every man who walks through the rooms carries off a piece of treasure with him, but even if the house is emptied the treasure will not have been lost, for the real magic is in the walls."

I pray that someday you will meet someone who is just as charming and as charismatic as you are. Someone who wants to sit back and build castles in the sky and walk hand in hand with you down the streets of some off the beaten path. Someone who loves to travel and see and do new things. Someone who loves art and architechture and gazing at the stars, someone who truly appreciates the quiet, gentle beauty of a storm-filled night. I hope some day you find the girl who was born with roses in her eyes just as you were born with petals in your cheeks and a song in your heart.

I love you. Keep making music that haunts people at night but share it with the light of the day. That's where I want to see you and that's how I want to remember you. Standing beneath the burning hot sun, smiling at me. Take care, I fervently hope that some day you can look back on this and me and smile.


I love him, i love him
I love him, i love him
I love him, i love him
I love him, i love him
She loves him, she loves him

This time
She loves him, she loves him
I'm gonna keep it to myself
She loves him, she loves him
She loves him, she loves him
This time
I'm gonna keep me all to myself
She loves him, she loves him
And he makes me want to hand myself over
She loves him, she loves him
She loves him, she loves him
And he makes me want to hand myself over

p/s: Is it wrong to love you?

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

I just wanted you to know...

Assalamualaikum,

Apa khabar? Alhamdulilah...i'm fine..it just i'm gonna have a very quite weekend because everybody are out of town...i'm home alone.....Still thinking what to do this weekend alone.....may be i'll catched some movies myself..

There's something bothering me these few days...and its reallyy sickening la.... i've tried to get rid of this stupid things out of my head soon!! Damn!! i hate this feeling....Just read this and i'm sure you guys know the answer why i feel so miserable!!!!

"if you love somebody, set them free. if they don't come back, they weren't yours to begin with"

An old saying attempting to make parting with a loved one easier. A nice thought, in truth: that the bond between you and the other person is so strong, that it will endure beyond boundaries of time and distance.

Just make sure that if you decide to set someone you love free, they know that you are setting them free, as opposed to discarding them like a worn piece of clothing.

Otherwise, you may end up losing your one true love in this world.

That long after we said goodnight,well past the time I prayed you were sleeping peacefully as the night became quiet, I sat here thinkingof you.

I couldn't now reproduce my thought train in words any more than I could mold the original stones from the sands of the shore.

But I know what I waited for.For that last silly "goodnight",in a long chain of "no, really...bed, now" 's.

I wanted yet another reach from you, provingthat it is real.Then, looking at the
chain of us touching across the distance;

I knew I was wrong in what I said,that more time to think of context would have seen me better;that it would not be a lie.to say I love you as well.

I just wanted you to know.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Love has everything to do with friendship

Assalamualaikum,

This is what i wanna tell you about....Love has everything to do with friendship.

For me there has always been a distance a long stretch of something intangible
between desire and consummation.Someone else's words failed to catch me.I would let go and then he would let go but our hands didn't....

While some imitations of love should have nothing to do with friendship (but often do anyway), sincere, unconditional love should have everything to do with friendship.

When I first make someone's acquaintance I may be charmed by his wit, impressed with ideas he puts forward, or attracted to his overall personality, but it is not until I wish to communicate and start being open and generous that I can get to know him on a deeper level. While I feel that this point in a friendship is truly invaluable, I don't think that love can take these benefits away or cheapen the friendship.

Once you have taken the time and effort to get to know someone, love can't help but develop. Not lustful love, but unselfish love. I have several dear boyfriends. I would never date any of them and neither would any of them date me, but each knows that I love him dearly, and I know that each loves me. We may not keep in touch that often, but we don't have to--our love is unconditional, without that taking for granted that comes so often with familial relationships.

Love does not ruin a friendship--it makes it real.

And that's the wonderful thing about him, that every single day he makes for me a new moment when I realize all over again that he is my best friend. That, in the end -- that is how I know.

He's the only thing I've met so far too dear to take for granted.

This is the song for today... Lucky - Jason Myraz

Take me as i am

Assalamualaikum,

Sihat? Me? Ok-ok je laa....Sometimes i feel like i'm dying..i don't see what's coming to me lately....I feel like life is so empty...really empty...Do u feel the same too?I hate when it cames to me like this....Ok just forget it!!!

Last night i watched Grey's Anatomy... 10 episodes in a row and my eyes sore!!hahahahaha....but its a good catching up!! i've missed a lot of episodes actually...Gosh!!! I've missed a lot!!!! hahahahahahaa...Can't wait to go home today and continue my Grey's Anatomy marathon!!! Hahahahaha....

Baby, Take me as i am... i'm the most pagal's girl in town!!!Deal with it!!

Sometimes I see past the horizon
Sure of my way where I am going
But where's the prize I have my eyes on
Where, there is just no knowing
And when despair tears me in two
Who can I turn to but you
You know who I am
Take me as I am

Look in my eyes who do you see there
Someone you know or just a stranger
If you are wise you will see me there
Love is the only danger
Love needing me, love needing you
We'll make that one dream come true
You know who I am
Take me as I am

Though fate won't always do what we desire
Still we can set the world on fire
Give me your hand, give me your heart
Swear to me we'll never part (we'll never part)
You know who I am (you know who I am)
This is who I am (this is who I am)
Take me as I am

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Do what i have to do......

Assalamualaikum,

Apa khabar? I'm not ok :( , period pain la... dah 2 hari tahan sakit and tak lalu makan... i just don't feel like eating laa.... i'm not hungry at all... i can't swallow anything....because i feel so sick!! everytime i try to eat something i feel like throwing out...so i eat only a lil bit just to fill my tummy that's it..

Today the whole day i've been listening to this beautiful song... the meaning is so deep until i feel a lil bit peace in my heart and soul... Well sang by beautiful Sarah Maclachan.. with her angel voices its just rip off my emotional and senses...i've listen to her lyrics and Ya Allah its so beautiful.. *cry*

Sometimes things never happend to what we want it to be...
You don't need to say anymore...Your eyes have asked a question..and my heart has given you the answer...




What ravages of spirit
Conjured this temptuous rage
Created you a monster
Broken by the rules of love

And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do ...

And I have the sense to recognize that
I dont know how to let you go

Every moment marked
With apparitions of your soul
Im ever swiftly moving
Trying to escape this desire

The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do

But I have the sense to recognize
That I dont know how
To let you go
I dont know how
To let you go

A glowing ember
Burning hot
Burning slow

Deep within Im shaken by the violence
Of existing for only you

I know I cant be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I cant be with you
I do what I have to do

And I have sense to recognize but
I dont know how to let you go
I dont know how to let you go
I dont know how to let you go

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Blast from the past...

Assalamualaikum,

Hope u guys are fine eh....me? biasalah period pain is killing me.

Well, i met someone last night, its been a long time since the last time we met was in 2004. He's married for 3 years now and no kids...So happy to see him and we had a great catching up...As usual he was so shocked that i'm still single!!! hahahhahhaa..Well, that's kinda normal reaction i get couldn't be bother to explain why am i still single bla...bla...bla...

There is something he said that really make me think 'wow'! yeah... He asked me where have i been? He's been looking for me all these years and finally he found me at RB Sogo!!! I told him that i've been busy and a lot things happend in my crazy life that's why i've been missing in his list of friends. He asked me can't i just call him to say hi..is that so difficult? i was thinking should i answer his questions? Let me take u guys back to the memory lane!!! hehehheee.....

(Flash back!!)
Ok guys..actually there's something happend.. We met in a plane...we were on our way to Langkawi. And he sat beside me..and i was on my way to my friend's wedding at Burau Bay and he was on a business trip. He say hi and i say hi..then i kept quite...coz i don't feel like talking..and i know he's been trying to start a conversation but the response i gave was very cold and i guess i'm very rude.....hehehehee...my bad!!Buutt!!!! suddenly the plane hit the air pocket!! and i felt like the plane was going down!!! My God!!!everybody was screaming and me too!!!! i screamed... Ya Allah i don't wanna die!!Then the plane was ok...guess what? i've found myself hugging his arm!!! hahahahahaha i was so embarassed and say sorry to him and he just give me his cute smile and said its ok!!!then i saw my lipstick stained on his sleeves..alamak!!! he said its ok!!his wife will not get mad because the lipstick was on the sleeves not on his collar!!Then we both laugh!!! funny!!! and really make sense!!he told me he's not attached Oh..thank God!!!And we become friends for 2 years after that...until one day.....he said i was his special friends....he treated me more than just a friend..he can't live without hearing me laughing, mad at him and he can't live without not seeing me.i told him i thot we were just friend? He said yes we were friends, good friends and we are buddies...and he said if he wanna find a wife he will find someone like me? Ya Allah!!! Suddenly that word really breaks my heart!!! He said HE WILL FIND SOMEONE LIKE ME TO BE HIS WIFE? Why someone else? why not me? i felt so devastated and i left him..

You know guys...sometimes i don't understand what make him said that? I'm right infront of him and why he said he will find someone who just like me to be his wife? I've cried the whole night its not because he didn't want to marry me but the thing he said really broke my heart.We like each other so much and we knew it, this feeling is more than just a friend!! i think he's being selfish...he want both..he wants me and he wants a wife who are like me....but i only want him..

*sigh* That's life anyway!!The best thing is to stay away from him...Life will be better..nobody get hurts at the end..

Last night when we talked he told me that he would have marry me if i didn't leave him..and i smile at him and said..just it go...you'll be fine.. i'm happy of what i am and thanks for the memories...he held my hands..

He, " You don't miss me huh?"

Me, " No.... Not at all"

He, *sigh*

i walked straight to my function room without turning back!! "Good bye my past!! i'm walking to my present and future now!" *smile*

' Take your freedoom, take your memories i don't need them'
' in fact i feel a whole lot better , you'll think of me'

Keith Urban - You'll think of me

Friday, December 19, 2008

Sorry for being so CRABBY!!!

Assalamualaikum,

How's ya day? Good? Me? i was in a 'women's problem' hahahaahahaa yeah!!! Its not easy to be a woman dowh!!! I've been so crabby these few days because i was in that 'PMS Sydrome' so don't blame me ehh!!! Alhamdulilah... my sweet friend understand it!!muaahsss butterfly kisses for ya!!!

Talking about my condition now...this month is the worst!!! Why? i've been crying for no reason or stupid reason!!!! hahahahahahahhaa!!! i've watched my bestfriend's wedding and i end up crying!!! Ya Allah...i don't know what's wrong with me? How can be soo emotional!!!

Last night my darling told me that we can only meet up for a few hours tomorrow...its ok laa at least something rather than nothing kan? I can't wait to see him tomorrow!! My very special friend!!!So special until i feel like crying when i miss him...*cry*

OK before i got too emotional i got to make a move to Red Box Sogo!! Suria's 1st Anniversary!!! Yeahh!!!!!Gonna have fun there with my staffs, listeners, media friends and bosses!!! hehehehehee.... We gonna sing our heart out there!!! But pity my baby have a very important presentation tonight!! Good Luck Baby!!! Muaahsss!!!! butterfly kisses!!!

I'll leave u with this beautiful song called Forever by Stratovarious....

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Why does it hurts so bad?

Assalamualaikum,

Sihat? i'm fine!! And feel ssoooo greeeaaaattt!!!!! because my sweetheart will be in town today!!yay!! Can't wait to see him!! Miss him so much!!!

Talked to him last night and he said something that is soo swweeetttt!!! Whoever his life partner will be is a lucky person on earth!!! This guy is a very nice guy!!Good hearted and he knows best what to make a girl likes him and feel secure with him.I like whenever he said he'll take care of me and he'll make me happy.But i'm sad whenever he said about marriage.It hurts me whenever he said he'll take care of me eventhough he's married or i'm married.It's scared me whenever he said he will remember me wherever he goes...in or out of the country... :(

Ya Allah..why does it hurts so bad? why do i feel so sad? i hope i can let him go but why does it hurts me so? why does it hurts so bad?

Ok i don't wanna think about it anymore!!!I have to enjoy life as much as i can...no matter what i will remember u.....





I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

Remember all the good times that we had

We let them slip away from us when things got bad

Clearly I first saw you, smiling in the sun

I want to feel your warmth upon me, I want to be the one

I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

I'm so tired,I can't sleep

Standin' on the edge of something much too deep

It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word

We are screaming inside, we can't be heard

I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose

Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose

Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night

Gave me everything he had, oh he gave me life

And I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

Weep not for the memories

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

There is stranger in my house!!

Assalamualaikum...


Lately i've heard a terrible news from my friends...how do they suffered in their marriage...Marriage is tough and it's not as smooth as you thought.i don't know what to say then just be their good listener. Ya Allah ... please gives them some strenght..i pity them..it wasn't their decision to become a single mother but they have too.. most of all the cases are there are 3rd party in their marriage!!Why? i wish i know why....its hard to say....and understand...i know everybody are trying their best in everything they do but shits happend!! The best way is divorce!!!How about the children? Wallahi...it make me feel so sad to hear this!! and it happend to my friends...my girl friends!!! i don't want to put the blame on everybody...but why they let it happend? *cry* i can't imagine myself leaving my love ones.... i can't imagine he's leaving me too!! its really a heartbreaking story... and i feel so damn sad about it...i heard this song and one of my favourite song..and it remind me of my poor friends..i pray for them to be stronger and may their lifes will be blessed. The most important hope they taking care of their beautiful children.amin....





I don't understand
You look just like the man
In the picture by our bed
The suspense is pounding and clouding up my head
I'm checkin' your clothes
And you wear the same size shoe
You sleep in his spot
And you're driving his car
But I don't know just who you are

There's a stranger in my house
It took a while to figure out
There's no way you could be who you say you are
You gotta be someone else
'Cause he wouldn't touch me like that
And he wouldn't treat me like you do
He would adore me, he wouldn't ignore me
So I'm convinced there's a stranger in my house

Now show who you are
Don't see your shadow around when you walk
You leavin' no kisses
Goodbye with no words
If these walls could talk
They would have nothing to tell

So what could it be?
Is there someone imitating me?
Could she be taking my place?
Look me in the face
And tell me that I'm wrong
When I say...

There's a stranger in my house
It took a while to figure out
There's no way you could be who you say you are
You gotta be someone else
'Cause he wouldn't touch me like that
And he wouldn't treat me like you do
He would adore me, he wouldn't ignore me
So I'm convinced there's a stranger in my house

Pop quiz
Tell me where we first kissed
Tell me where my spot is
Tell me if I liked it, loved it
Or could it be
That the stranger is me
Have I changed so drastically?
Is it I want more for me?
And you remain the same

There's a stranger in my house
It took a while to figure out (It took a while to figur it)
You can't be who you say you are
You gotta be someone else
'Cause he wouldn't touch me like that
And he wouldn't treat me like you do
He would adore me, he wouldn't ignore me
So I'm convinced there's a stranger in my house

There's a stranger in my house (whoo)
It took a while to figure out (took a while to figure out)
You can't be who you say you are
You gotta be someone else
He wouldn't touch me like that
And he wouldn't treat me like you do
He would adore me, he wouldn't ignore me
I'm convinced there's a stranger in my house

Miss my lil angel!!!


Assalamualaikum,

How r u doin'? ME? i'm missing my 2 lil angels!!!THey are in school right now!! i meant Nursery..2 weeks i haven't heard from them...hope they are ok!!Miss to hear them laughing, crying and screaming all over the house!!! and miss the noises of my parents screaming at them.

We always do a lot crazy stuffs at home....and also in the car!! enjoy our crazy times together!!! Miss u so much!!!




Saturday, December 13, 2008

Thinking of you...

There was a time i walk myself home and suddenly the road are so familiar..and i remember....we used to walk on this lane..holding hands and talking like nobody business... we felt like we were the only people who walking on that lane..and nobody else...there are just us walking on that lane..i couldn't recall what are we talking about...and i couldn't recall what am i laughing about..there's something u had said when we were walking on that lane...i couldn't remember there are cars and there are so many people walking by on that lane...all i can see is just u and me walking on that lane looking at each other, laughing, talking and smiling.....

Gosh!! i remember how u held my hand and told me that you are so happy to see me that night. You asked me will i take care of u? and i said yes... i will take care of you until the rest of my life...i remember....i said that unconditionally...

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Relationship without Commitment

Assalamualaikum,

Apa khabar? Sihat? I feel great!!! Yeah...soooooo great!!!! hahahaaha...Well, i got to share with you what happend to me these few days and why i didn't have time to update my blog!!! Sorry for keep u guys waiting ya!!!

Anyway, my life is lil crazy now!! hahaahaha.. i don't know where too start!!!Feel like screaming out loud that i missed him so much!!!

New guy coming in my life..Oh he's so lovely, crazily romantic, caring and soft spoken.I'm so into this guy. He's my bestfriend!!!Huh? BESTFRIEND????? hahahaha....yeah!! We decided to be a good friend for the time being!!!Its kinda relationship without commitment.Yeah!! i agreed!!but i know some people don't agree...hey...that's ya call!!!but this is my decision....because why? if your are a lovers you tend to be not you are as a real person....u become someone else...but if u are friends..you will be yourself...and we can talk about almost everythings!!!

i might fell for him but i know i fell for my best friend.I'm happy to be this way..and i guess this could be the right way to make me happy!! i don't care about anything now...

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Saying what u mean, meaning what u say...

Assalamualaikum....

Sihat ke? me? Alhamdulilah..quite busy today...Early in the morning... i drive to Putrajaya..do some groceries for Raya Korban...and then visit June's dad at Serdang Hospita...its a heartbreaking watching her daddy with all the wires...Ya Allah!!!Please give him strenght and get him fully recovery please!!!! amin...

I'm lil bit upset today...actually since last night...i hate when i sent a message to someone and they just don't bother to reply..no matter how busy u are...just have the courtesy to reply your friends messages....its very rude to just ignored it!!! Damn!!i really hate that!!!After that they just pretend nothing had happend!! The more hurts if someone you care do this to you...its really a heartbreaking laa...Last night i've waited for him to get online....he told me that we meet online and lets hope the wifi at my place won't go crazy..and Thank God!! The wifi was fine last night and he's not online...i did send msgs he won't reply...What's happening? Make me like a fool the whole night staring at the screen and hoping he chat box pops up with hugs emoticon!!!

How could u simply do this? and no apologies from u? i think that's enuff!! why should i believe what ever u said..coz u never mean it....i'm just sick of everything!!!


I'm not the type to get my heart broken
I'm not the type to get upset and cry
Cuz I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don't get deep to me
Never got the whole in love thing
And someone can say they love me truly
But at the time it didn't mean a thing

Per-chorus:
My mind is gone, i'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears i'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel

chorus:
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

Did it happen when we first kissed
Cause it's hurting me to let it go
Maybe cause we spent so much time
And I know that it's no more
I shoulda never let you hold me baby
Maybe why i'm sad to see us apart
I didn't give to you on purpose
Gotta figure out how you stole my heart

Per-chorus:
My mind is gone, i'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears i'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel

Chorus:
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

How did I get here with you, i'll never know
I never meant to let it get so, personal
After all I tried to do, stay away from loving you
I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know
And I won't let it show
You won't see me cry

Chorus:
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

Chorus:
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

All my life...

Thursday, December 4, 2008

It's better to be hated than ignored..

Assalamualaikum..

How are you? Me? Oklah... hari ni tak de idea nak tulis panjang2...just short and simple!!!

I know what it is like to be hated, and I know what it is like to be ignored. Being ignored is far worse. Unless people are listening, unless they care, you don't have a chance in hell of making any kind of impact.

The opposite of love is not hate: it's indifference. If someone bothers to hate you it means that they care about you. They don't care to see you happy, they don't care to help, but they do care, they are watching --you have a chance to make your point. You could turn that hate in to love.

Of course some people who believe in this idea too strongly end up as victims of domestic violence . . . . -but there is something to it. If anything, we should be able to see how it is possible to use the hatred others may have for us to our own advantage.

After all, we know that the ones who hate us the most really, really, care.

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win."
Mohandas Gandhi

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

The night we were on YM....

"Hi. How are you?" i typed. The text under the chatbox showed me that he was typing something in return.

"Fine."

I sat looking at my screen for a long time. I imagined him in front of his computer, tipping his chair back to the point of falling over, never really giving in to gravity.

"So, what are you doing?" he typed. I looked around my empty room. The pictures on the walls, the lamp by the bed. The chair with my clothes flung over the back.

"I have a couple of friends over", i typed back. Never a dull moment, i thought to myself, bitterly. I sat in my pool of warm light on the bed, laptop balancing on a pillow on my knees. The only sounds was me, typing, and the clock, ticking.

"And you", i typed. "What are you doing?"

"The guys are here, and we're watching the game."

"At this time of night?"

"No, the game is over. Now we're just drikning."

I smiled at his typo. He did that when he typed fast. And then my smile faded as i thought of him, getting all worked up over typos and misspellings. He sought perfection, always. The perfect evening. The perfect weather for boating or walking. The perfect girlfriend...

"Well, have fun. I'll head off to bed" i wrote. For a long while i sat watching the screen for a reply. But all i got was "Last message received at 01.26". He'd do that. Chat with someone online, and then forgetting, leaving them hanging. Infuriating.

Five minutes later i logged off, and turned off the computer. Putting it away on the table was hard. I wanted to open it, and turn it back on. Or pick up the phone and call him. But i didn't want it badly enough... Whatever the reason, i never did it.

...On the other side....

He kept looking at his screen for a long time. He had so much to tell me. So much he ached to write in that little chatty box. How he missed me. How he wished he had the nerve to call me, and ask me all the questions that were tormenting him. Ask me, if i've had forgotten. But instead he just watched as the text on the screen informed him that i had logged off. "User is no longer online".

There was a small, very worn and shaggy teddy bear on his desk, right by the computer. It was staring at him, accusingly, with one beady eye, its mouth forever pulled up in a wry, lopsided smile (because of the stitches where it had been torn at one time). I had let him keep it, even though it had been mine. The only thing of me, still in his apartment.

"It wasn't my fault", he said out loud and patted the bear's head. Then he switched off the computer and went to bed.

You can't make someone love you dowh...

You can't make someone love you. Not even if you do everything right. Not even if you listen to everything they are saying. Not just the words they choose to speak, but the words unspoken. Not even if you can spot them in the middle of a crowd just by knowing the way they move. Not by picking up a scent down a random hall and knowing it's the scent they wear.

You can't make someone love you. Not even when you think you can have anyone you want. Not even when you want to give them pieces of yourself. Not even when you hold them in the middle of the night. Not even if you're there whenever they need you. And there when they don't. Not even if you'd do anything for them.

You can't make someone love you. Not even if you ask them to. Not even if you can't stop loving them.

None of these relationships mean anything if it's not the right person.

Don't rush into a relationship. Hold that ideal picture for a few moments. Enjoy it. That way if the person is an asshole at least you have gotten something out of it. If that person is wonderful, then you still have that ideal.

There is no love without risk. If you won't risk yourself, then keep your lonely bitterness to yourself. Broken hearts hurt like hell, but do you want to die without any scars?

...therefore, it is better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all. It doesn't mean you won't love and be loved again.

You don't need to say anymore..Your eyes have asked a question and my heart has given you the answer..

Monday, December 1, 2008

For the man who i love..

Its amazing to thinking about love
When I see two pigeon fly over the trees
Together around the beautiful nature
Sing a love song and Find a beautiful place
It s wonderful moment

I see the blue sky above with a cloud paint
Then I saw a face that I never seen before
He smile to me like an angel
I think hes the one
Its make me happy and hope thats a real thing

But I know thats just an illusion
Ill founding for the man who I love
However I never imagine where can I found
And How can I do that
Or when it happened to me

Its like waiting for a nothing but I dont care
Cause Im not just feel it but also make me happy
Its beautiful moment to think about love
Its cant be written or say with a perfect words
It is too deep in my hearts

I want to go around the world
To find the man who I love with all my feelings
And I want to bring him to go around the love world
To find happiness and love each other
Until everybody know

And we are feeling whats a beautiful love
there I know our love is always strong
however the dark try to take it over
however the storm try to damage our love
but I knowwere still together with a beautiful love...

Eshtaqto elaika!! Uhibbok!!

Nobody wants to be lonely...

Assalamualaikum,

Hi!!!! Marhaba!!! Keef Halek? Hahaahahaa....sekali dia cakap arab daa!!! anyway, i'm have a great weekend!!On Saturday aku bawak parents aku gi Mydin USJ!! WAh!!! besar gedabak!! hahahaa...1st time ke Mydin laa katakan..menang berbaloii!!! murah!!murah!!murah!!!Mak aku beli phone nokia dengan harga 95 hengget je...hahahaha..murah eehh...

Sunday plakk bawak mak lunch kat Chawan,Bangsar Village and then ke Shah Alam jumpa maksik aku for coffee...tu je laa then balik rumah...this weekend penuh dgn family outing je..so happy i have my beloved family around.Loneliness is something that never came into my life..i feel so blessed!!alhamdulilah...

Well, aku tak faham bila ada orang kata dia ni so lonely, padahal ramai jugak kawan2 yang ada di sekeliling diorg...bila nak ajak keluar ada saja alasan, kawan ni ajak keluar laa...meeting laa....kene gi sana laa gi sini laa...so what the hell do they mean they are lonely? just don't get it!!

My defination of lonely is when you have nobody to talk, to hang out or spend time with.You'll sitting in your room ALONE like a statue!!That's lonely to me!!

BUT....if you have friends to talk to, friends to hang out with and accompany you...that's not lonely baby!!! Your lonely means you are avoiding people to be with you...so don't call yourself a lonely person!! You are lonely BECAUSE you want it to!!So stop telling me that your are lonely!! you fool!!

I'm sick of hearing this LONELY thing!!!Please laa.....you can do better than being a lonely person!! As i said just appreciate the people who wanted to be around you and accept their presence before they left you lonely!!

Another lonely is because when you go back home there's no one at home!!Then get yourself a life partner!!Get married!!Don't care whether the wedding is small or big but just get married to solve your so called loneliness!! i'm reffering this to men not ladies...i know as a girl its indecent to ask a man to marry you but men should know!!We can never find mr or mrs right!! We are the one who make them the right one for us when we got married!!Rezeki? Insyallah after married Allah will give us rezeki!! and a lots of rezeki coz we are doing the right way!!

Ok!! If you think you are a lonely person!! Please wake up and smell the coffee!!! hahahahaa....nobody wants to be lonely dude!! i'm always here for you!! ciao Bedah!!