My last day in 2008 and my last day in my 34th years... i surrender

Assalamualaikum....

I got nothing much to say...it just i hope i can forget whatever happend in 2008....i've lost my best friends, my buddies, my love ones and i almost lost my job...its too many heartbreaking memories in 2008..i won't look back....

2009 has a good starts for me and i'm glad i'm not alone to go through it..... coz i have you.... and you all i need right here and right now.....coz i surrender all to you... i will always love you sayang....thanks for loving me..

To my friends i always love you and i will always do...sorry for everything, wishing you all the best in everything you do... May God Bless us all....amin....

There's so much life I've left to live
And this fire's burning still
When I watch you look at me
I think I could find the will
To stand for every dream
And forsake the solid ground
And give up this fear within
Of what would happen if they ever knew
I'm in love with you

'Cause I'd surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We'd make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'd make you give them all to me
I'd hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender

I know I can't survive
Another night away from you
You're the reason I go on
And now I need to live the truth
Right now, there's no better time
From this fear I will break free
And I live again with love
And no they can't take that away from me
And they will see... yeah

I’d surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We'd make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'd make you give them all to me
I'd hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender

Every night's getting longer
And this fire is getting stronger, baby
I'll swallow my pride and I'll be alive
CAN'T you hear my call
I surrender

(I'd surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again)
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We'll make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'll make you give them all to me
I'll hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender

Right here, right now
I give my life to live again
I'll break free, take me
My everything I surrender all to you

right now
I give my life to live again
I'll break free, take me
(My everything) My everything (I surrender all to you)

Life is too short so don't make it complicated!!

Assalamualaikum,

How are you? i'm doing good Alhamdulilah....THis morning while i'm on my way to office something came into my head...there are so many questions pop up on my pagal brains... Why he so scared to admit it? Why is he keeps holding back his feeling? How can he live in denial? Is he scared to love me that much? Or he just take things for granted?

He can has all the jealousy in our friendship but most of the times he got carried away...and he makes me confused and makes me think....what are we actually? Lovers? friends? partners? couples? He's so scared to face the reality. He's so scared to know the fact that he loves me and can't help losing me. I'm not sure about how i feel but one thing for sure that i love him.Period!! Life is too short so don't make it complicated!!

But Yeah,Don’t worry about me, don’t think about me, don’t doubt a second of your life. Breathe tomorrow, like I taught you tonight. And when you get that feeling, slide, slide, slide so mad you can’t hide anymore. Change everything you ever did and thought was familiar. Become me.

I am ok without you. I just tell myself otherwise.

You know my reasons, you wish you had yours.

I wish you’d whisper them into my skin.

I fall asleep to the music, to the droning of nothing here in my world without you. Every day, I tell you all the things I have saved up for someone to savour. You taste my words, but your inner has run dry, has no touch for this pleasure.

It’s spoken knowingly between our hands; I fully understand your incompatibility with life. What if I were to look into your eyes as you tell me again that your ways are useless, though you are not. How would they come to understand if I told them about your innocence, the slight laughter of a heart that can never be fully broken?

Whisper into my skin.

I’m ok when you’re near, thank you.

I never stopped wanting you back, no matter how many beds I tumbled through. In the face of your smugness, it was a schoolgirl crush. Something to prove and you proved it. But you meant more than that to me, and I had more still to give. I relinquish all that now, I will give it in spurts to whomever's heat I can have to feel overnight. I hope that someday you want it back, and find it isn't there.

My heart not enough to bear in close quarters; both too afraid to hurt the other; and the way I had to learn to be happy, really happy, just being quiet and close with him.

If i'm really not the one in your heart and may be we never meant to be with each other, But you must know that i'll always love you and you must know that my love is never ends...

Because, i believe i will love your forever, and i love you in every breath that i take and i believe this love is just for you and only you...and i will love you till my last breath..

i have no idea what it is?

Assalamualaikum,

Sihat? i'm fine...it just there's something bothering me these few days....i'm just confused but i don't how to say it here... its bothering me and i feel so sad to think about it....

I'm not sure i'm doing the right thing in my so called friendship or the other party is taking advantage in this friendship.I don't know what it is?

Just as you start your relationship, look your best-friend-now-significant-other in the eye and remind them that up until now, you have been best friends. You have had and shared the best and worst of times and that even if the relationship should end, that both of you will remember and treasure what you have shared so far.

Relationships come and go, but friendships should last forever.

It always amazes me that so many people cannot remain friends simply because they went out together. What a waste to lose a best friend simply because you couldn't get a relationship to work! You should be mature enough to realise that you may not be 100% compatible with someone else, but that surely doesn't mean you can't be friends.

So in my case i've no idea what is it actually....

A silent hope of a silent future. No yelling, only love, and kisses. I don't know if I should even stay with you. I don't even know if you would even care if I told you how much I care for you now. So I sit here and wonder at we could possibly grow to be, and I think, "I'll give him one more chance." Words I've thought of a hundred times and i know one day this will end...

Can't take away from me

Assalamualaikum,

I've learned that in this life we have to face some soulfull people, cheerfull people, ambitiuosfull people, helpfull people and the worst is HATEFULL people so that we can learn how to deal with these people and that's where maturity came from.

Hatefull people is the one i'm gonna talking about. Some people are born to be an Hatefull person... sorry to say this but this is the truth.... but the most dangerous one is the one who are don't even know that they are hatefull person. They being so mean in whatever they do.They tell you lies, they create a tense in their relationships and friendship. They love to see people around them hates each other.These HATEFULL people didn't realise what are they doing...they just don't see it. And as friends we hope these HATEFULL person will changed.

I've been with some HATEFULL people around me and i bet you guys been there done that!! Its sucks!!

My friend is getting marry in few days times.. and part of me i wanted to go but to think of there will be some HATEFULL people gonna be at the wedding its really killing me..and i don't want them to spoil my mood and hey...New Years is coming and its also my birthday...so i should have a great starts of 2009 because 2008 was the worst year i ever had... so i'm kinda confuse to go or not to go.

i've been listening to this song again and again to gets some inspirations..and i guess everybody needs inspirations to move on and face the life as it is..Well, enjoy the song and do pay attentions on the lyrics...beautiful!!

Enjoy!!

A blueprint of my pleasure

Assalamualaikum,

Sihat? Me? ok ok je laa....

I watched the full moon last night as I was driving home. I had just spent a lovely evening with the man I think I have fallen in love with. And I don't think I'm ever going to see him again.

I hid behind the obvious, my pride, your fears, the distance you put between us by going. I told you I loved you. But I never knew if you heard.

I miss you now with a cold fire that burns as painful and as bright as the touch of your skin against mine in that one fleeting moment of that faraway dawn hour. The soft down of you hair, baby smelling baby hair on a rugged powerful man, a shy smile that always surprised me from under the sharp nose and the hooded eyes. The rasping tenderness of your voice and your long loving letters that made me hope as you yourself would never let me hope.

And what you said to me, what you told me once so long ago that no one but me remembers - "you are like a beautiful house full of wonderful treasure. Every man who walks through the rooms carries off a piece of treasure with him, but even if the house is emptied the treasure will not have been lost, for the real magic is in the walls."

I pray that someday you will meet someone who is just as charming and as charismatic as you are. Someone who wants to sit back and build castles in the sky and walk hand in hand with you down the streets of some off the beaten path. Someone who loves to travel and see and do new things. Someone who loves art and architechture and gazing at the stars, someone who truly appreciates the quiet, gentle beauty of a storm-filled night. I hope some day you find the girl who was born with roses in her eyes just as you were born with petals in your cheeks and a song in your heart.

I love you. Keep making music that haunts people at night but share it with the light of the day. That's where I want to see you and that's how I want to remember you. Standing beneath the burning hot sun, smiling at me. Take care, I fervently hope that some day you can look back on this and me and smile.


I love him, i love him
I love him, i love him
I love him, i love him
I love him, i love him
She loves him, she loves him

This time
She loves him, she loves him
I'm gonna keep it to myself
She loves him, she loves him
She loves him, she loves him
This time
I'm gonna keep me all to myself
She loves him, she loves him
And he makes me want to hand myself over
She loves him, she loves him
She loves him, she loves him
And he makes me want to hand myself over

p/s: Is it wrong to love you?

I just wanted you to know...

Assalamualaikum,

Apa khabar? Alhamdulilah...i'm fine..it just i'm gonna have a very quite weekend because everybody are out of town...i'm home alone.....Still thinking what to do this weekend alone.....may be i'll catched some movies myself..

There's something bothering me these few days...and its reallyy sickening la.... i've tried to get rid of this stupid things out of my head soon!! Damn!! i hate this feeling....Just read this and i'm sure you guys know the answer why i feel so miserable!!!!

"if you love somebody, set them free. if they don't come back, they weren't yours to begin with"

An old saying attempting to make parting with a loved one easier. A nice thought, in truth: that the bond between you and the other person is so strong, that it will endure beyond boundaries of time and distance.

Just make sure that if you decide to set someone you love free, they know that you are setting them free, as opposed to discarding them like a worn piece of clothing.

Otherwise, you may end up losing your one true love in this world.

That long after we said goodnight,well past the time I prayed you were sleeping peacefully as the night became quiet, I sat here thinkingof you.

I couldn't now reproduce my thought train in words any more than I could mold the original stones from the sands of the shore.

But I know what I waited for.For that last silly "goodnight",in a long chain of "no, really...bed, now" 's.

I wanted yet another reach from you, provingthat it is real.Then, looking at the
chain of us touching across the distance;

I knew I was wrong in what I said,that more time to think of context would have seen me better;that it would not be a lie.to say I love you as well.

I just wanted you to know.

Love has everything to do with friendship

Assalamualaikum,

This is what i wanna tell you about....Love has everything to do with friendship.

For me there has always been a distance a long stretch of something intangible
between desire and consummation.Someone else's words failed to catch me.I would let go and then he would let go but our hands didn't....

While some imitations of love should have nothing to do with friendship (but often do anyway), sincere, unconditional love should have everything to do with friendship.

When I first make someone's acquaintance I may be charmed by his wit, impressed with ideas he puts forward, or attracted to his overall personality, but it is not until I wish to communicate and start being open and generous that I can get to know him on a deeper level. While I feel that this point in a friendship is truly invaluable, I don't think that love can take these benefits away or cheapen the friendship.

Once you have taken the time and effort to get to know someone, love can't help but develop. Not lustful love, but unselfish love. I have several dear boyfriends. I would never date any of them and neither would any of them date me, but each knows that I love him dearly, and I know that each loves me. We may not keep in touch that often, but we don't have to--our love is unconditional, without that taking for granted that comes so often with familial relationships.

Love does not ruin a friendship--it makes it real.

And that's the wonderful thing about him, that every single day he makes for me a new moment when I realize all over again that he is my best friend. That, in the end -- that is how I know.

He's the only thing I've met so far too dear to take for granted.

This is the song for today... Lucky - Jason Myraz

Take me as i am

Assalamualaikum,

Sihat? Me? Ok-ok je laa....Sometimes i feel like i'm dying..i don't see what's coming to me lately....I feel like life is so empty...really empty...Do u feel the same too?I hate when it cames to me like this....Ok just forget it!!!

Last night i watched Grey's Anatomy... 10 episodes in a row and my eyes sore!!hahahahaha....but its a good catching up!! i've missed a lot of episodes actually...Gosh!!! I've missed a lot!!!! hahahahahahaa...Can't wait to go home today and continue my Grey's Anatomy marathon!!! Hahahahaha....

Baby, Take me as i am... i'm the most pagal's girl in town!!!Deal with it!!

Sometimes I see past the horizon
Sure of my way where I am going
But where's the prize I have my eyes on
Where, there is just no knowing
And when despair tears me in two
Who can I turn to but you
You know who I am
Take me as I am

Look in my eyes who do you see there
Someone you know or just a stranger
If you are wise you will see me there
Love is the only danger
Love needing me, love needing you
We'll make that one dream come true
You know who I am
Take me as I am

Though fate won't always do what we desire
Still we can set the world on fire
Give me your hand, give me your heart
Swear to me we'll never part (we'll never part)
You know who I am (you know who I am)
This is who I am (this is who I am)
Take me as I am

Do what i have to do......

Assalamualaikum,

Apa khabar? I'm not ok :( , period pain la... dah 2 hari tahan sakit and tak lalu makan... i just don't feel like eating laa.... i'm not hungry at all... i can't swallow anything....because i feel so sick!! everytime i try to eat something i feel like throwing out...so i eat only a lil bit just to fill my tummy that's it..

Today the whole day i've been listening to this beautiful song... the meaning is so deep until i feel a lil bit peace in my heart and soul... Well sang by beautiful Sarah Maclachan.. with her angel voices its just rip off my emotional and senses...i've listen to her lyrics and Ya Allah its so beautiful.. *cry*

Sometimes things never happend to what we want it to be...
You don't need to say anymore...Your eyes have asked a question..and my heart has given you the answer...




What ravages of spirit
Conjured this temptuous rage
Created you a monster
Broken by the rules of love

And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do ...

And I have the sense to recognize that
I dont know how to let you go

Every moment marked
With apparitions of your soul
Im ever swiftly moving
Trying to escape this desire

The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do

But I have the sense to recognize
That I dont know how
To let you go
I dont know how
To let you go

A glowing ember
Burning hot
Burning slow

Deep within Im shaken by the violence
Of existing for only you

I know I cant be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I cant be with you
I do what I have to do

And I have sense to recognize but
I dont know how to let you go
I dont know how to let you go
I dont know how to let you go

Blast from the past...

Assalamualaikum,

Hope u guys are fine eh....me? biasalah period pain is killing me.

Well, i met someone last night, its been a long time since the last time we met was in 2004. He's married for 3 years now and no kids...So happy to see him and we had a great catching up...As usual he was so shocked that i'm still single!!! hahahhahhaa..Well, that's kinda normal reaction i get couldn't be bother to explain why am i still single bla...bla...bla...

There is something he said that really make me think 'wow'! yeah... He asked me where have i been? He's been looking for me all these years and finally he found me at RB Sogo!!! I told him that i've been busy and a lot things happend in my crazy life that's why i've been missing in his list of friends. He asked me can't i just call him to say hi..is that so difficult? i was thinking should i answer his questions? Let me take u guys back to the memory lane!!! hehehheee.....

(Flash back!!)
Ok guys..actually there's something happend.. We met in a plane...we were on our way to Langkawi. And he sat beside me..and i was on my way to my friend's wedding at Burau Bay and he was on a business trip. He say hi and i say hi..then i kept quite...coz i don't feel like talking..and i know he's been trying to start a conversation but the response i gave was very cold and i guess i'm very rude.....hehehehee...my bad!!Buutt!!!! suddenly the plane hit the air pocket!! and i felt like the plane was going down!!! My God!!!everybody was screaming and me too!!!! i screamed... Ya Allah i don't wanna die!!Then the plane was ok...guess what? i've found myself hugging his arm!!! hahahahahaha i was so embarassed and say sorry to him and he just give me his cute smile and said its ok!!!then i saw my lipstick stained on his sleeves..alamak!!! he said its ok!!his wife will not get mad because the lipstick was on the sleeves not on his collar!!Then we both laugh!!! funny!!! and really make sense!!he told me he's not attached Oh..thank God!!!And we become friends for 2 years after that...until one day.....he said i was his special friends....he treated me more than just a friend..he can't live without hearing me laughing, mad at him and he can't live without not seeing me.i told him i thot we were just friend? He said yes we were friends, good friends and we are buddies...and he said if he wanna find a wife he will find someone like me? Ya Allah!!! Suddenly that word really breaks my heart!!! He said HE WILL FIND SOMEONE LIKE ME TO BE HIS WIFE? Why someone else? why not me? i felt so devastated and i left him..

You know guys...sometimes i don't understand what make him said that? I'm right infront of him and why he said he will find someone who just like me to be his wife? I've cried the whole night its not because he didn't want to marry me but the thing he said really broke my heart.We like each other so much and we knew it, this feeling is more than just a friend!! i think he's being selfish...he want both..he wants me and he wants a wife who are like me....but i only want him..

*sigh* That's life anyway!!The best thing is to stay away from him...Life will be better..nobody get hurts at the end..

Last night when we talked he told me that he would have marry me if i didn't leave him..and i smile at him and said..just it go...you'll be fine.. i'm happy of what i am and thanks for the memories...he held my hands..

He, " You don't miss me huh?"

Me, " No.... Not at all"

He, *sigh*

i walked straight to my function room without turning back!! "Good bye my past!! i'm walking to my present and future now!" *smile*

' Take your freedoom, take your memories i don't need them'
' in fact i feel a whole lot better , you'll think of me'

Keith Urban - You'll think of me

Sorry for being so CRABBY!!!

Assalamualaikum,

How's ya day? Good? Me? i was in a 'women's problem' hahahaahahaa yeah!!! Its not easy to be a woman dowh!!! I've been so crabby these few days because i was in that 'PMS Sydrome' so don't blame me ehh!!! Alhamdulilah... my sweet friend understand it!!muaahsss butterfly kisses for ya!!!

Talking about my condition now...this month is the worst!!! Why? i've been crying for no reason or stupid reason!!!! hahahahahahahhaa!!! i've watched my bestfriend's wedding and i end up crying!!! Ya Allah...i don't know what's wrong with me? How can be soo emotional!!!

Last night my darling told me that we can only meet up for a few hours tomorrow...its ok laa at least something rather than nothing kan? I can't wait to see him tomorrow!! My very special friend!!!So special until i feel like crying when i miss him...*cry*

OK before i got too emotional i got to make a move to Red Box Sogo!! Suria's 1st Anniversary!!! Yeahh!!!!!Gonna have fun there with my staffs, listeners, media friends and bosses!!! hehehehehee.... We gonna sing our heart out there!!! But pity my baby have a very important presentation tonight!! Good Luck Baby!!! Muaahsss!!!! butterfly kisses!!!

I'll leave u with this beautiful song called Forever by Stratovarious....

Why does it hurts so bad?

Assalamualaikum,

Sihat? i'm fine!! And feel ssoooo greeeaaaattt!!!!! because my sweetheart will be in town today!!yay!! Can't wait to see him!! Miss him so much!!!

Talked to him last night and he said something that is soo swweeetttt!!! Whoever his life partner will be is a lucky person on earth!!! This guy is a very nice guy!!Good hearted and he knows best what to make a girl likes him and feel secure with him.I like whenever he said he'll take care of me and he'll make me happy.But i'm sad whenever he said about marriage.It hurts me whenever he said he'll take care of me eventhough he's married or i'm married.It's scared me whenever he said he will remember me wherever he goes...in or out of the country... :(

Ya Allah..why does it hurts so bad? why do i feel so sad? i hope i can let him go but why does it hurts me so? why does it hurts so bad?

Ok i don't wanna think about it anymore!!!I have to enjoy life as much as i can...no matter what i will remember u.....





I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

Remember all the good times that we had

We let them slip away from us when things got bad

Clearly I first saw you, smiling in the sun

I want to feel your warmth upon me, I want to be the one

I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

I'm so tired,I can't sleep

Standin' on the edge of something much too deep

It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word

We are screaming inside, we can't be heard

I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose

Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose

Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night

Gave me everything he had, oh he gave me life

And I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

Weep not for the memories

There is stranger in my house!!

Assalamualaikum...


Lately i've heard a terrible news from my friends...how do they suffered in their marriage...Marriage is tough and it's not as smooth as you thought.i don't know what to say then just be their good listener. Ya Allah ... please gives them some strenght..i pity them..it wasn't their decision to become a single mother but they have too.. most of all the cases are there are 3rd party in their marriage!!Why? i wish i know why....its hard to say....and understand...i know everybody are trying their best in everything they do but shits happend!! The best way is divorce!!!How about the children? Wallahi...it make me feel so sad to hear this!! and it happend to my friends...my girl friends!!! i don't want to put the blame on everybody...but why they let it happend? *cry* i can't imagine myself leaving my love ones.... i can't imagine he's leaving me too!! its really a heartbreaking story... and i feel so damn sad about it...i heard this song and one of my favourite song..and it remind me of my poor friends..i pray for them to be stronger and may their lifes will be blessed. The most important hope they taking care of their beautiful children.amin....





I don't understand
You look just like the man
In the picture by our bed
The suspense is pounding and clouding up my head
I'm checkin' your clothes
And you wear the same size shoe
You sleep in his spot
And you're driving his car
But I don't know just who you are

There's a stranger in my house
It took a while to figure out
There's no way you could be who you say you are
You gotta be someone else
'Cause he wouldn't touch me like that
And he wouldn't treat me like you do
He would adore me, he wouldn't ignore me
So I'm convinced there's a stranger in my house

Now show who you are
Don't see your shadow around when you walk
You leavin' no kisses
Goodbye with no words
If these walls could talk
They would have nothing to tell

So what could it be?
Is there someone imitating me?
Could she be taking my place?
Look me in the face
And tell me that I'm wrong
When I say...

There's a stranger in my house
It took a while to figure out
There's no way you could be who you say you are
You gotta be someone else
'Cause he wouldn't touch me like that
And he wouldn't treat me like you do
He would adore me, he wouldn't ignore me
So I'm convinced there's a stranger in my house

Pop quiz
Tell me where we first kissed
Tell me where my spot is
Tell me if I liked it, loved it
Or could it be
That the stranger is me
Have I changed so drastically?
Is it I want more for me?
And you remain the same

There's a stranger in my house
It took a while to figure out (It took a while to figur it)
You can't be who you say you are
You gotta be someone else
'Cause he wouldn't touch me like that
And he wouldn't treat me like you do
He would adore me, he wouldn't ignore me
So I'm convinced there's a stranger in my house

There's a stranger in my house (whoo)
It took a while to figure out (took a while to figure out)
You can't be who you say you are
You gotta be someone else
He wouldn't touch me like that
And he wouldn't treat me like you do
He would adore me, he wouldn't ignore me
I'm convinced there's a stranger in my house

Miss my lil angel!!!

Assalamualaikum,

How r u doin'? ME? i'm missing my 2 lil angels!!!THey are in school right now!! i meant Nursery..2 weeks i haven't heard from them...hope they are ok!!Miss to hear them laughing, crying and screaming all over the house!!! and miss the noises of my parents screaming at them.

We always do a lot crazy stuffs at home....and also in the car!! enjoy our crazy times together!!! Miss u so much!!!

Thinking of you...

There was a time i walk myself home and suddenly the road are so familiar..and i remember....we used to walk on this lane..holding hands and talking like nobody business... we felt like we were the only people who walking on that lane..and nobody else...there are just us walking on that lane..i couldn't recall what are we talking about...and i couldn't recall what am i laughing about..there's something u had said when we were walking on that lane...i couldn't remember there are cars and there are so many people walking by on that lane...all i can see is just u and me walking on that lane looking at each other, laughing, talking and smiling.....

Gosh!! i remember how u held my hand and told me that you are so happy to see me that night. You asked me will i take care of u? and i said yes... i will take care of you until the rest of my life...i remember....i said that unconditionally...

Relationship without Commitment

Assalamualaikum,

Apa khabar? Sihat? I feel great!!! Yeah...soooooo great!!!! hahahaaha...Well, i got to share with you what happend to me these few days and why i didn't have time to update my blog!!! Sorry for keep u guys waiting ya!!!

Anyway, my life is lil crazy now!! hahaahaha.. i don't know where too start!!!Feel like screaming out loud that i missed him so much!!!

New guy coming in my life..Oh he's so lovely, crazily romantic, caring and soft spoken.I'm so into this guy. He's my bestfriend!!!Huh? BESTFRIEND????? hahahaha....yeah!! We decided to be a good friend for the time being!!!Its kinda relationship without commitment.Yeah!! i agreed!!but i know some people don't agree...hey...that's ya call!!!but this is my decision....because why? if your are a lovers you tend to be not you are as a real person....u become someone else...but if u are friends..you will be yourself...and we can talk about almost everythings!!!

i might fell for him but i know i fell for my best friend.I'm happy to be this way..and i guess this could be the right way to make me happy!! i don't care about anything now...

Saying what u mean, meaning what u say...

Assalamualaikum....

Sihat ke? me? Alhamdulilah..quite busy today...Early in the morning... i drive to Putrajaya..do some groceries for Raya Korban...and then visit June's dad at Serdang Hospita...its a heartbreaking watching her daddy with all the wires...Ya Allah!!!Please give him strenght and get him fully recovery please!!!! amin...

I'm lil bit upset today...actually since last night...i hate when i sent a message to someone and they just don't bother to reply..no matter how busy u are...just have the courtesy to reply your friends messages....its very rude to just ignored it!!! Damn!!i really hate that!!!After that they just pretend nothing had happend!! The more hurts if someone you care do this to you...its really a heartbreaking laa...Last night i've waited for him to get online....he told me that we meet online and lets hope the wifi at my place won't go crazy..and Thank God!! The wifi was fine last night and he's not online...i did send msgs he won't reply...What's happening? Make me like a fool the whole night staring at the screen and hoping he chat box pops up with hugs emoticon!!!

How could u simply do this? and no apologies from u? i think that's enuff!! why should i believe what ever u said..coz u never mean it....i'm just sick of everything!!!


I'm not the type to get my heart broken
I'm not the type to get upset and cry
Cuz I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don't get deep to me
Never got the whole in love thing
And someone can say they love me truly
But at the time it didn't mean a thing

Per-chorus:
My mind is gone, i'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears i'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel

chorus:
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

Did it happen when we first kissed
Cause it's hurting me to let it go
Maybe cause we spent so much time
And I know that it's no more
I shoulda never let you hold me baby
Maybe why i'm sad to see us apart
I didn't give to you on purpose
Gotta figure out how you stole my heart

Per-chorus:
My mind is gone, i'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears i'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel

Chorus:
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

How did I get here with you, i'll never know
I never meant to let it get so, personal
After all I tried to do, stay away from loving you
I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know
And I won't let it show
You won't see me cry

Chorus:
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

Chorus:
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

All my life...

It's better to be hated than ignored..

Assalamualaikum..

How are you? Me? Oklah... hari ni tak de idea nak tulis panjang2...just short and simple!!!

I know what it is like to be hated, and I know what it is like to be ignored. Being ignored is far worse. Unless people are listening, unless they care, you don't have a chance in hell of making any kind of impact.

The opposite of love is not hate: it's indifference. If someone bothers to hate you it means that they care about you. They don't care to see you happy, they don't care to help, but they do care, they are watching --you have a chance to make your point. You could turn that hate in to love.

Of course some people who believe in this idea too strongly end up as victims of domestic violence . . . . -but there is something to it. If anything, we should be able to see how it is possible to use the hatred others may have for us to our own advantage.

After all, we know that the ones who hate us the most really, really, care.

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win."
Mohandas Gandhi

The night we were on YM....

"Hi. How are you?" i typed. The text under the chatbox showed me that he was typing something in return.

"Fine."

I sat looking at my screen for a long time. I imagined him in front of his computer, tipping his chair back to the point of falling over, never really giving in to gravity.

"So, what are you doing?" he typed. I looked around my empty room. The pictures on the walls, the lamp by the bed. The chair with my clothes flung over the back.

"I have a couple of friends over", i typed back. Never a dull moment, i thought to myself, bitterly. I sat in my pool of warm light on the bed, laptop balancing on a pillow on my knees. The only sounds was me, typing, and the clock, ticking.

"And you", i typed. "What are you doing?"

"The guys are here, and we're watching the game."

"At this time of night?"

"No, the game is over. Now we're just drikning."

I smiled at his typo. He did that when he typed fast. And then my smile faded as i thought of him, getting all worked up over typos and misspellings. He sought perfection, always. The perfect evening. The perfect weather for boating or walking. The perfect girlfriend...

"Well, have fun. I'll head off to bed" i wrote. For a long while i sat watching the screen for a reply. But all i got was "Last message received at 01.26". He'd do that. Chat with someone online, and then forgetting, leaving them hanging. Infuriating.

Five minutes later i logged off, and turned off the computer. Putting it away on the table was hard. I wanted to open it, and turn it back on. Or pick up the phone and call him. But i didn't want it badly enough... Whatever the reason, i never did it.

...On the other side....

He kept looking at his screen for a long time. He had so much to tell me. So much he ached to write in that little chatty box. How he missed me. How he wished he had the nerve to call me, and ask me all the questions that were tormenting him. Ask me, if i've had forgotten. But instead he just watched as the text on the screen informed him that i had logged off. "User is no longer online".

There was a small, very worn and shaggy teddy bear on his desk, right by the computer. It was staring at him, accusingly, with one beady eye, its mouth forever pulled up in a wry, lopsided smile (because of the stitches where it had been torn at one time). I had let him keep it, even though it had been mine. The only thing of me, still in his apartment.

"It wasn't my fault", he said out loud and patted the bear's head. Then he switched off the computer and went to bed.

You can't make someone love you dowh...

You can't make someone love you. Not even if you do everything right. Not even if you listen to everything they are saying. Not just the words they choose to speak, but the words unspoken. Not even if you can spot them in the middle of a crowd just by knowing the way they move. Not by picking up a scent down a random hall and knowing it's the scent they wear.

You can't make someone love you. Not even when you think you can have anyone you want. Not even when you want to give them pieces of yourself. Not even when you hold them in the middle of the night. Not even if you're there whenever they need you. And there when they don't. Not even if you'd do anything for them.

You can't make someone love you. Not even if you ask them to. Not even if you can't stop loving them.

None of these relationships mean anything if it's not the right person.

Don't rush into a relationship. Hold that ideal picture for a few moments. Enjoy it. That way if the person is an asshole at least you have gotten something out of it. If that person is wonderful, then you still have that ideal.

There is no love without risk. If you won't risk yourself, then keep your lonely bitterness to yourself. Broken hearts hurt like hell, but do you want to die without any scars?

...therefore, it is better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all. It doesn't mean you won't love and be loved again.

You don't need to say anymore..Your eyes have asked a question and my heart has given you the answer..

For the man who i love..

Its amazing to thinking about love
When I see two pigeon fly over the trees
Together around the beautiful nature
Sing a love song and Find a beautiful place
It s wonderful moment

I see the blue sky above with a cloud paint
Then I saw a face that I never seen before
He smile to me like an angel
I think hes the one
Its make me happy and hope thats a real thing

But I know thats just an illusion
Ill founding for the man who I love
However I never imagine where can I found
And How can I do that
Or when it happened to me

Its like waiting for a nothing but I dont care
Cause Im not just feel it but also make me happy
Its beautiful moment to think about love
Its cant be written or say with a perfect words
It is too deep in my hearts

I want to go around the world
To find the man who I love with all my feelings
And I want to bring him to go around the love world
To find happiness and love each other
Until everybody know

And we are feeling whats a beautiful love
there I know our love is always strong
however the dark try to take it over
however the storm try to damage our love
but I knowwere still together with a beautiful love...

Eshtaqto elaika!! Uhibbok!!

Nobody wants to be lonely...

Assalamualaikum,

Hi!!!! Marhaba!!! Keef Halek? Hahaahahaa....sekali dia cakap arab daa!!! anyway, i'm have a great weekend!!On Saturday aku bawak parents aku gi Mydin USJ!! WAh!!! besar gedabak!! hahahaa...1st time ke Mydin laa katakan..menang berbaloii!!! murah!!murah!!murah!!!Mak aku beli phone nokia dengan harga 95 hengget je...hahahaha..murah eehh...

Sunday plakk bawak mak lunch kat Chawan,Bangsar Village and then ke Shah Alam jumpa maksik aku for coffee...tu je laa then balik rumah...this weekend penuh dgn family outing je..so happy i have my beloved family around.Loneliness is something that never came into my life..i feel so blessed!!alhamdulilah...

Well, aku tak faham bila ada orang kata dia ni so lonely, padahal ramai jugak kawan2 yang ada di sekeliling diorg...bila nak ajak keluar ada saja alasan, kawan ni ajak keluar laa...meeting laa....kene gi sana laa gi sini laa...so what the hell do they mean they are lonely? just don't get it!!

My defination of lonely is when you have nobody to talk, to hang out or spend time with.You'll sitting in your room ALONE like a statue!!That's lonely to me!!

BUT....if you have friends to talk to, friends to hang out with and accompany you...that's not lonely baby!!! Your lonely means you are avoiding people to be with you...so don't call yourself a lonely person!! You are lonely BECAUSE you want it to!!So stop telling me that your are lonely!! you fool!!

I'm sick of hearing this LONELY thing!!!Please laa.....you can do better than being a lonely person!! As i said just appreciate the people who wanted to be around you and accept their presence before they left you lonely!!

Another lonely is because when you go back home there's no one at home!!Then get yourself a life partner!!Get married!!Don't care whether the wedding is small or big but just get married to solve your so called loneliness!! i'm reffering this to men not ladies...i know as a girl its indecent to ask a man to marry you but men should know!!We can never find mr or mrs right!! We are the one who make them the right one for us when we got married!!Rezeki? Insyallah after married Allah will give us rezeki!! and a lots of rezeki coz we are doing the right way!!

Ok!! If you think you are a lonely person!! Please wake up and smell the coffee!!! hahahahaa....nobody wants to be lonely dude!! i'm always here for you!! ciao Bedah!!

Nobody's perfect dowh!!

Assalamualaikum....

Sihat ke? Me? Macam ni laa...hahaahaaha...but so glad its Thursday!! and can't wait for Friday and weekend!!i need a good rest!!! yeah really good rest!!and i hope December will be better than November!! i had enuff of headache and i wish it will all go away!!Love and work and friends....with a lot of domestic problems...i hate it but i'm glad it opened my eyes and we are live to learn anyway!!

After all the trouble i've gone through i realised that there are some ppl come and go and some of them can just ignore you. but at the end of the day you know whom to turn to when you are in trouble...true friends!!! The saddest part was...a stranger came to rescue you and Alhamdulilah...May Allah Blessed This person!!

'Fresh start' is not something I use. It's a cliche. I don't want anything to do with it. Everything in my past is part of who I am.

Thanks for someone who being honest to me and sincerely take me as your friend.I'm not desperately looking for love but i need friends to talk, share my thoughts and someone who can take all the flaws...

Why do people say they love you yet hurt you? Why? I have "friends" that do the same thing I mean it gets to be ridiculous when I hear those words I love you. People throw them around like its nothing.

Love is a beautiful thing! do not simplay say i love you if you didn't meant it.

Some people thinks that i'm too loud.....this is what i am...at least i'm not perfect dowh!!

Cause sometimes, I said sometimes I hear my voice and it's been here, silent all these… Years go by will I still be waiting for somebody else to understand? Years go by if I'm stripped of my beauty and the orange clouds raining in my head. Years go by will I choke on my tears ‘til finally there is nothing left? One more casualty you know we're too easy..

On my own now!!!

Lately i've lost some of my inspirations..and i guess i've found it in this song!! By Whitney Houston called On My Own..nice beautiful song...a great song to listen this whole week!!!Enjoy!!!

I'm not the foolish girl you used to know
So long ago
I'm stronger now
I've learned from my mistakes which way to go
And I should know
I put myself aside to do it your way
But now I need to do it all alone

And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'll keep it real you know
Time for me to do it on my own
Yeah yeah, mmm, yeah yeah

It's over now
I can't go back to living through your eyes
Too many lies
And if you don't know by now
I can't go back to being someone else
Not anymore
I never had a chance to do things my way
So now it's time for me to take control

And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'm gonna keep it real you know
Time for me to do it

Oh I start again go back to one
I'm running things my way
Can't stop me now, I've just begun
Don't even think about it
There ain't no way about it
I'm taking names, the ones of mine
Yes I'm gonna take my turn
It's time for me to finally stand alone, stand alone

I am not afraid to try it on my own
And I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'm gonna keep it real you know
It's time for me to do it
See I'm not afraid

Cinta oh Cinta....

Assalamualaikum,

Apa khabar? aku sihat alhamdulilah..duduk di depan laptop mencari idea untuk menulis skrip tapi tiba2 dapat idea untuk menulis blog!!! Ahahahahahahhahaaa.....iyooo laa!!!

Well, semalam aku telefon maksik aku yang berada di Mekah..dapatlah meluahan segala kesedihan di hati..aku minta dia doakan ketenangan hati dan dimurahkan rezeki...dan diperolehi kesihatan supaya aku dapat menjaga orang tua ku sebaik mungkin....

Lepas isyak ada seorang teman telefon aku...dia menyesali atas perbuatan dia terhadap gf dia selama ini..dia tak sangka gf dia terlalu menyayangi dia sehinggakan sanggup berbuat apa saja...demi cinta yang sejati katanyaa.... tapi kesabaran setiap insan itu ada batasnya...kini gf dia dah tinggalkan dia kerana tak sanggup dengan perangainya yang tak pernah menghargai pengorbanan dia..Kalau aku pun aku tinggalkan aja lelaki yang tak tau menghargai perasaan wanita..

Lumrah manusia bila dah ditinggalkan baru laa nak menyesal, barulah nak sedar yang dia telah kehilangan orang yang ikhlas menyayanginya...Ego lelaki memang kita tak blh nak lawan....tapi kerana keegoaan ini lah telah memakan dirinya...

Kini gf dia dah ada pengganti...lebih baik dari kawan aku ni..iisskkk...orang cantik memang laa cepat dapat pengganti..tapi aku faham apa yang dilalui oleh perempuan tu...i would do the same too!! Don't waste your time with someone who are not feel the same way you are..jangan buang masa...kalau jumpa yang tak sesuai...just say 'NEXT!!' hahahahahahahhhaaa

Life goes on baby!! We got to move on!! Enjoy life as much as you can baby!! Kalau ada jodoh tak ke mana!! Kita kene laa memilih...coz this is our life!! but if i found someone who love me of what i am....i'll love him more!!Nowadays susah nak cari lelaki yang sayang kat kita seadanya...and for guys out there, just cut the ego aside..if you love the girl you got to tell her and show to her...because we need to know how do you feel...if you just let the girl keeps on show and give her love to you, i bet one day she'll walk away from your 'egoistic' life!! jangan menyesal pulak lepas tuu...ehhh...orang perempuan ni kalau dah sayang memang sepenuh hati tapi lelaki selalu take advantage....kan?

Well, aku sudah muak dengan perangai lelaki macam ni...tapi aku tak pernah menyesal kerana at the end of the day i'm not missing anything!!I did best but if you still want to stick to your ego...i'll let be.. and wish you all the best for your next so called 'relationship'. It won't take you anywhere coz you'll never changed!!!


Berbahagialah para pecinta
kalian dianugerahi rasa cinta dan dicintai
Tolong jangan sia-siakan
Karena Bagaimana pun, cinta tetap cinta

Seringkali manusia tidak menghargai cinta
Ketika cinta itu ada
Ketika cinta datang, mencoba untuk menyapa

Mungkin mereka baru akan merasa betapa berharganya cinta
Bila mereka merasakan betapa sulit untuk mendapatkannya

Teman, siapapun, dengarkan pesanku
Hargailah cinta
Tolong, jangan sia-siakan
Jangan buang dan abaikan

Kalau kalian mau tahu betapa berharganya cinta
Cobalah menjadi orang yang memperjuangkannya sungguh-sungguh
Dan gagal,…berulang-ulang.

Maka di situlah kalian akan tahu
Arti Cinta

How do you know he's in love?

Assalamualaikum,

I've found this good article about how do you know he is in love? I guess this will help you to know a lil bit about men....or whoever you've been dating.

No men can hide his feelings when he is in love. He leaves trails behind and exude signs that give away his state of heart.....

You start thinking about the future and she's in it: It used to be that future with a woman meant your date on Saturday night. Not only do you plan to see her this weekend, but you want to see her a year from now as well.

Other priorities take a back seat: You used to train religiously, but lately, if she's free for dinner; you don't mind missing a workout.

You don't mind compromising sometimes: There was a time when it was your way or the highway, but with her it's different. You don't mind missing a night out with the guys to be with her. And you find yourself trying to incorporate her into your plans or alerting them to accomodate her.

You love spending time with her: You look forward to seeing her, and don't care much about what the two of you will be doing. Lately, just going for a walk with her sounds like the best way you could possibly spend an evening.

You don't notice other women as much: Although you can't help noticing a beautiful woman when one walks by, when you're in love, some of them tend to slip under the radar, while others just pale in comparison to her.

You have great chemistry: You can't be in love with someone that you have no chemistry with. If you seem to always be on the same wavelegth, and think in similar ways, that's a geat sign.

You find her quirks charming: The fact that she carries her passport with her everywhere she goes, fills you with an inexplicable feeling of happiness.

You care about her: When you're in love with a woman, you want to know all about her: who she is, what she thinks, what makes her laugh.

You can't stop thinking about her: She just pops into your head for no apparent reason, and you wonder if she thinks of you half as much as you think of her. You wonder what she's up to and even consider calling her.

You've forgotten your ex: Ever since you met this new girl, the thought of getting back together with your ex is the furthest thing in your mind. You barely recall what you found so great about her in the first place.

Hujung minggu yang sibuk!!

Assalamualaikum...

Sihat ke? Aku sihat dan penat...but happy sangat2....i'm happy coz i got to take my uncles and aunt to the places they wanted to go...and eat a nice seafood, donuts, coffee, keropok lekor, tahu bakar and we do a lot of catching up too!! iyer laa dah lama tak duduk lepak and talks...

So glad to see Cik Abang and Zaki....kita merayap dari ke Putrajaya, Bangsar, Pavillion hingga ke Masjid India....yang best masa kat Souq Putrajaya aku minom ABC and this is what i got!!!!! ABC with karipap!!!What a combination? but whatever it is....the karipap was so nice!!! and ABC ia pun sedap jugakk!!!




Then last Saturday kita pergi ke Bangsar Village, Zaki dan aku dok peratikan decoration krismas tree diorag yang diorg buat dengan botol. Very creative!! and nice!!! Zaki bilang its not easy to do it eventhough it looks very simple...



Dan hasilnya adalah... ini!!!



Malam tadi aku hantar cik abang dan Zaki ke LCCT...My God!! aku blh sesat!!! hahahaah..tell you the truth, i've never been to LCCT before!!! hahahahaa so sad eehh!! Tapi kalau KLIA tu selalu laaa.....Akhirnya, jumpa jugaklah LCCT!! Alhamdulilah...so sampai di sana nasib baik kita terawal for check in!!!

I'm so glad diorg happy dengan KL trip diorg...Alhamdulilah....insyallah kalau ada rezeki aku akan visit diorg kat PErth!! Gonna miss them so much!! Semoga hidup diorg diberkati Allah setelah penat menjaga arwah nenek dan tok!!!Sedih aku dengar cerita Zaki mcm mana dia jaga arwah nenek n tok....hanya Allah aja yang membalas jasa2 diorg...amin....

Cik Abang and i...


Zaki and i

Thank God Its Friday!!

Assalamualaikum,

Lepas keje semalam aku lepak kat Pelita KLCC dengan paksik2 dan maksik aku..sbb paksik aku dr S'pore ni nak makan nasi Kandar and tak nak ke keluar town plakk..nak makan kat area KLCC je coz diorg dok kat Impiana KLCC...Oklah aku pun bawak ke Pelita...

Aku memang tak suka gi sana coz keadaan kat Pelita tu bising dan stuffy...iyer laa...abis satu badan aku bau kari seyy!!Tapi so happy laa tengok pakcik aku naik syok makan nasi Kandar heehehehhe...

Well, actually aku happy sangat dapat jumpa Kaer kat opis malam tadi..macam2 benda kita berborak...iyer laa last aku jumpa dia kat Xfresh!! dah hampir 2 tahun tak jumpa dan so glad that Kaer so happy with his new life kat Jakarta!!! So proud of you dik!! Dulu masa kat Xfresh aku n Adi selalu jemput Kaer...dan kerana teruja dengan video clip Izin ku pergi yang ala2 kisah hidup aku tu (ehh jgn ketawa ehh...mmg betul!!) pasal video clip tu laa aku jemput Ghaz!!! hahaahahaaa....director video clip terkenal...hah? korang tak kenal? biar betik? Si Ghaz ni terkenal dengan video2 clip Anuar Zain!! let me recall.... Video Mungkin - AZ, Mungkir Bahagia - Hazami, Izin ku pergi - Kaer...banyak lagi laa..semua video clip best2!! He's so creative laaaa!!!!

Ok back to Kaer stories....Masa 1st time aku n Farah-d (dulu Xfresh now dia kat Era) tgk video clip Izin ku pergi...kita menangis!!(emotional sangat eehh kitaorg ni ) yup!! we are very emotional person ok!!! not Farah-d laa but me hehehehehe....bila tgk video clip tu aku menangis coz its so freaky laa...i saw myself in that video clip...bukan part Kaer laa..aku perempuan dlm video clip tu...hahahahahaha..Ghaz was so shocked bila dgr cerita aku and dia kata i got to see his Izin ku pergi nyer video clip coz similar dgn cerita aku kat dia...tu yang bila aku tgk vc tu aku menangis...he was right!!!

Oklah no more cerita sedih enuff of sad stories eehhh..here are gambar Kaer and i...

Relationships are tricky business...

Assalamualaikum,

Sihat? Pekabar? Aku tengah sakit perut ni..biasalaa aunty rose datang daa...hahahaha..

Well, Alhamdulilah...aku rasa happy bila dapat call dari makcik aku dari Mekah!!Alhamdulilah...dia dah sampaikan salam aku pada Rasullulah, berdoa di atas Jabal Rahmah, dan sebut nama aku di hadapan Kaabah!! Ya Allah..kau jemputlah aku kembali ke rumah Mu YA Allah!!!Aminnnnn....

Aku dah planned nak ke Umrah insyallah March next year...Lagi cepat lagi bagus...hehehehehe...ni semua bergantung pada rezeki..Ayah aku dok tanya2 mcm nak sponsor je...hahahhaahaa....kalau orang nak bagi aku tak tolak!!Tapi kalau dia nak bawak aku gi buat Haji 2010 ni lagi baguss!!!!insyallah..

oklah back to the business....i'm here to talk about relationships!!i'm 34 and i'm totally sick of doing the dating game and starts to know new people in my dating life!! but i don't have a choice and i have to do it until i found my future husband or my new guy friends...and this year alone i've met a few of them and some of them are nice , some of them are so mean, and some of them are fun!!

The first most common reason why people tend to get insecure and back off during the early stages of dating is the fact that they might not receive a phone call/SMS as promised. If you are on a date with someone and you are the one who says you are going to call/sms, then make sure to make that phone call/sms. If you say you're going to call/sms in a day or two but call/sms after a week instead, it could give out the signal that you are not very interested.

At the end of all those dating games i've found that relationships are tricky business. It does not pay to enter in them unless you are yourself. You should not compromise on your identity. If you can be accepted for the way you are , your likes and dislikes, the way you dress, even your love for something boring, then you will have a lot better chance of the relationship growing and enduring. Accepting differences is important too. Don't go into a relationship hoping to change someone, and most importantly be yourself. That will help you grow as an individual while enriching your relationship.

*sigh*

Penat ekk!!i think i did my best in everything including starting a relationship.... and i should call it off for now ...at least for this 1 and a half month before i reached 35 on 1st January 2009!! Yess!! i'm gong to be 35 baby!!! i'm not worried at all!!I'm sure 2009 will bring me a lot of joy and happinesss..insyallah!! Do a lot of Doa and hopefully insyallah i can perform my 2nd Umrah!!! amin...amin...amin....and starts 2009 with 'another' new spirits!!!!! ahahahahaha.... new resolutions??? naahhh!!!! i always come out with a lot of resolutions every months!!! ahahahahhahaaa....

So happy its weekend again...and hope you guys have a blesssing weekend yach!!!! wasalam!!!!



p/s: Hati dan perasaan…
Jika kamu ada
Berilah aku jawapanmu
Agar aku bisa menjagamu selalu dengan baik
Agar hati dan perasaanku tidak merosakkan diriku

Commitmentphobic Man

Assalamualaikum....

It has been my worst month of 2008...and i'm slowly getting back on my track..lets keep the record straight ok..i'm in a mess these few weeks and my life is freaking sucks at these moment....i have a week to get back my so called 'normal life'!!i don't care what have i missed!!! just don't give a damn...life goes on honey!!Whoever can't get into my ride i'm happy to see you go...at the end of the day its about 'trust'...i'm not stupid to believe all your jokes!!i'm 34 yrs old for God sake!!Stop fooling around!!

i wanna talk about a commitmentphobic man. I've met a few of them and these kinda of man who always tells you how lonely and sad their life are. They will tell you all the grandmother's stories and how they wanted to start a family with you!! BUT!!! there is a BIG BUT here!! Unfortunately they are only a story teller and they are actually a commitmentphobic man!!Believe me whatever they said they didn't mean it!! If you started to believe them and give your full attention to their life and think that you could fit into their lonely life and you are wrong!! and they will make u like a fool to believe them coz they are so comfortable of what they are now!! They don't need you!!Why is that? because they are Commitmentphobic Man!!! They want you to be around but they don't want to love you...coz if they fall in love with you it will create a commitment and it will scared the hell of them.Such a Loser!! Don't you think?

Why is it that a man can be so amazing, affectionate, and share a strong 'connection' with you at first? But then is unable to stay close and loving with you when it comes to a real, lasting, committed relationship?

Have you ever met a man who you felt a strong connection with, but something else inside told you he wouldn't be 'good' for you in the long run? But you moved forward with him in spite of the clear signs of danger you saw in him?

Maybe you opened up anyway and fell into a relationship with him, perhaps for months, or even years. But eventually everything fell apart the way you thought it would, and that's when it dawned on you that your very first gut reaction was right.

This song goes to all Commitmentphobic Man..

Selamat Tinggal - Nikki

Kata akhir selamat tinggal
Keputusanku bukan kejutan
Inilah yang terbaik buat diriku dan dirimu
Kini kau bebas pergi

Usah ditanya mengapa
Kau tahu jawapannya
Usahlah lagi kau berpura pura
Muakku dengan sikapmu
Yang tidak pernah jujur
Permainkan hati dan perasaan
Ku lepaskan kau pergi

Jangan cuba kau merayu
Tiada lagi peluang sudah terlewat

Usah ditanya mengapa
Kau tahu jawapannya
Usahlah lagi kau berpura pura
Muakku dengan sikapmu
Yang tidak pernah jujur
Permainkan hati dan perasaan

Biarku tanggung semuanya
Dari hidup merana
Ku doakan kau bahagia dengannya
Ku lepaskan kau pergi
Ku lepaskan kau pergi
Selamat tinggal

relationship with an emotionally unavailable man

Assalamualaikum...


This week a lil bit upset me....i don't know why but this cool article had swap away my sadness....its from a blog i've read.. Posted by Evan Marc Katz ..so many cool article in his blog...and this is the coolest one!! check this out!!

Can you have a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man?

A healthy relationship with an emotionally unavailable man is like a threesome with Brad Pitt and George Clooney. Only in your dreams. And yet this is the most popular question I get. Click your heels three times if you’ve heard this before.
“I’ve been dating this guy for (X Months) now and I like him more than anyone I’ve met in a long time. I see him (Y times) a week and while he tells me he cares about me and ultimately wants to settle down, he also makes it very clear that he’s not in a good place right now. I believe him and really want to make this work but I’m not sure I can take it anymore because I want a future with him. The uncertainty is killing me. Can I get him to commit or should I get out now?”

Here is my point of view based on scenarios I typically hear:

1. Dating for several months. Seeing each other once a week.
Is this guy a boyfriend? Or just a guy you sleep with once a week. A boyfriend is committed to you. He calls you every day. He buys you things because he’s thinking of you. He wants to see you during most of his spare time. Ask yourself if this guy passes those boyfriend tests.

2. Shuts me out. No contact for a day. Not invited to parties.
Not very boyfriend like. You know how I can tell? I’ve BEEN that guy. I’ve dated people who I liked but didn’t want to lose, but went out to parties seeing if I could trade up. And as long as he can keep you around without committing to you, who can blame him?

3. Likes to move slowly. Values his independence. Shies from change.
Looks like you should be doing PR for this guy, because you’ve bought all of his bullshit excuses, hook, line and sinker.

4. Told me he’s not emotionally in a place for a relationship – Um, and what was it you said you wanted? That’s right. A relationship.

5. Said I deserved to have what I wanted and had a right to walk away
Hey! The first thing he’s gotten right.
So listen to this man of integrity and take his sage advice.
Walk away and don’t look back.
If he follows, you’ll know you’ll have yourself a boyfriend who values you and will follow you to the end of the earth. That is what you deserve.
If he doesn’t, then he’s not all that serious about keeping you in his life, is he?

Bukan Kasih ku....

Assalamualaikum...

So many things happend these few days..its really sucks!!Tak de mood nak cakap apa2 kat sini...hari2 aku menangis...sampai bengkak2 mata..aku jadi mangsa keadaan..tiada pembelaan langsung...walau aku nak bela diri pun aku tetap dipersalahkan..its unfair kan? tapi hidup ni mana ada yang adil...cuma Allah Yang Maha Adil...

Hati aku tengah remuk sekarang ni..semua orang yang aku sayang telah menyakiti hati aku ...aku rasa hidup ni mcm kosong..hanya di atas sejadah aku berbicara dgn Tuhan...hanya Engkau Yang Maha Mengetahui...

Ironiknya semua berlaku dalam masa yang sama..its such a bad time for me...aku terasa selagi aku hidup..aku telah menyusahkan diorg...padahal diorg lebih tau siapa yang salah....

Aku rasa macam nak pergi jauh je...tapi tak tau ke mana..everyday i cry to sleep...i just can't take it anymore!!Semua nak salahkan aku...walau kecik je sebab dia..mmg tak patut betullah...padahal ada orang buat kesalahan lagi besar tp tak pulak kene carut..biasalah adat manusia pilih kasih...skrg ni aku rela hidup bersendirian...just wanna have a lil space...

anyway,First time aku dengar lagu Bukan kasih ku...dari Kaer aku menangis..this is so my situation right now...aku masih belum bersedia nak citer apa2 lagi tentang benda ni..nanti korang pasti tau...

inikah akhirnya tinggallah lara di sini terpadamlah erti kasih setelah dikau pergi.. telah ku korbankan sudah aku curahkannya semua kasih suci pada diri mu...

tak ku mahu asmara kan hancur seperti debu,tak ku mahu dirimu bukan lagi kekasih ku
dan disini tinggallah aku menantikan kasih,sesaat berlalu bertahun ku rasa...pedihnya

oh manakah silapnya kemanakah kan ku bawa..erti cinta sejati cuma di mimpi...

Tulang Rusuk ku!!!

Assalamualaikum....

Heyloww!! sihat? Aku mcm ni jugakla..sekejap dah jumaat eehh..hari ni 7/11 or 7Eleven...hahahhaa..mcm familiar nama tu eehh....kejap dah hujung minggu ...dan kejap je dah seminggu di bulan November!!! tak sabar rasanya nak tunggu tahun 2009!!Tak sabar rasanya nak lepaskan 2008 yang penuh dengan cerita ceriti yang mencalar jiwa....

Wokey laa...tadi masa aku surfing aku terjumpa dgn artikel ni...cerita tentang Tulang Rusuk!! so touching....harap korang baca...its one of hell of a story!!! trust me..you gonna like it!!!


WANITA: Siapa yang paling kamu cintai di dunia ini?
LELAKI: Kamu!!!
WANITA: Menurut kamu, saya ini siapa?
LELAKI: (Berfikir sejenak, lalu menatap WANITA dengan pasti).
Kamu, tulang rusukku!

Kerana Allah melihat bahawa Adam kesepian. Saat Adam sedang lena tidur, Allah mengambil rusuk Adam dan menciptakan Hawa. Semua LELAKI mencari tulang rusuknya yang hilang dan saat menemukan wanita untuknya, tidak lagi merasakan sakit di hatinya…

Setelah berkahwin, pasangan itu mengalami masa yang indah dan manis untuk sementara. Setelah itu, pasangan muda ini mulai tenggelam dalam kesibukan masing-masing dan kelelahan hidup yang ada. Hidup mereka menjadi membosankan.

Kenyataan hidup yang kejam membuat mereka mulai menyisihkan impian dan cinta satu sama lain. Mereka mulai bertengkar dan pertengkaran itu mulai menjadi semakin panas. Pada suatu hari pada akhir sebuah pertengkaran WANITA lari keluar rumah.

Saat tiba di seberang jalan, dia berteriak “Kamu tidak cintakan saya lagi!!!”. LELAKI sangat membenci ketidakdewasaan WANITA dan secara spontan juga berteriak “Saya menyesali perkahwinan ini! Kamu ternyata bukan tulang rusukku!!!”

Tiba-tiba WANITA terdiam, dan berdiri kaku untuk beberapa saat. LELAKI menyesali akan apa yang sudah dia lafazkan, tetapi seperti air yang telah tertumpah tidak mungkin untuk diceduk kembali. Dengan berlinang air mata, WANITA kembali ke rumah dan mengambil barang-barangnya, bertekad untuk berpisah.

“Kalau saya bukan tulang rusukmu, biarkan saya pergi. Biarkan kita
berpisah dan mencari pasangan sejati masing-masing”.

Lima tahun berlalu. LELAKI masih belum lagi berkahwin, tetapi berusaha mencari khabar akan kehidupan WANITA. WANITA pernah ke luar negeri tetapi sudah kembali. Dia pernah berkahwin dengan seorang asing dan bercerai. LELAKI agak kecewa bila mengetahui WANITA tidak menunggu, sepertinya.

Dan di tengah malam yang sunyi, dia meminum kopinya dan merasakan sakit di hatinya. Tetapi LELAKI tidak sanggup mengakui bahawa dia merindukan WANITA.

Suatu hari, mereka akhirnya bertemu kembali. Di airport, tempat di mana banyak terjadi pertemuan dan perpisahan, mereka dipisahkan hanya oleh sebuah dinding pembatas.

LELAKI: Apa khabar?
WANITA: Baik… kamu sudah menemui tulang rusukmu yang hilang?
LELAKI: Belum.
WANITA: Saya akan terbang ke New York dengan penerbangan berikut. Saya akan kembali 2 minggu lagi. Telefon saya kalau kamu berkesempatan. Kamu tahu nombor telepon saya kan? Tidak ada yang berubah.

WANITA tersenyum manis, berlalu di hujung lafaz “Selamat tinggal…”

Satu minggu kemudian, LELAKI menerima khabar WANITA adalah salah seorang korban Menara WTC. Malam itu, sekali lagi, LELAKI meneguk kopinya dan kembali merasakan sakit dihatinya. Akhirnya dia sedar bahqwa sakit itu adalah kerana WANITA, tulang rusuknya sendiri yang telah dengan bodohnya dia patahkan sendiri…

Hoping against HOPE!!

"How do you know if it is really love?" Well, as you can imagine, this also happens to be one of the most difficult questions to answer! Love is such a strange, wonderful thing that nobody really has codified what it is yet.

Now, in order to find out if you love someone, the basic place to start would be to ask yourself, do you want to be with them? If the answer is no, then it really can't be love. When you love someone, you want to be with them. Not just be with them, but share everything with them. Just being close to them isn't enough, you want to be a part of them, a part of their life forever. You can't stand the thought of being away from them yet, when you are, you still feel that ever-present bond that ties you together wherever you go. You can almost feel what they are feeling. You feel like, with a little bit of effort, you can see what they are seeing and think what they are thinking. It is almost as if you both can occupy each other's bodies with complete trust and harmony. That to me is love.

But its so different now.... i don't know what goes wrong... i guess this is not LOVE..this is something that i don't know what...

There is much truth to the statement that timing is everything. We aren't always meant to be or do the things we want at exactly the time we think we should. Sometimes life has other plans for us. Having said that, limbo is not a very comfortable place for many of us. I think in we need to assess exactly what stage of a relationship we were in and where the possibility of a relationship could be. Did i ever think he is serious when he says he eventually wants a relationship, or am i just his comfort zone since we know each other so well? It is critical at this stage to objectively look at these things. i Don't let feelings of emotion blind me to what may really be happening. My heart is an important part of me and its well-being should be a high priority.

Moral of the story is....Don't ever waste your time with someone who doesn't feel the same way...

Di lemma besar...

Assalamualaikum....

Pekabar? Sihat ke? Aku rasa penat bangat ni...tak tau kenapa...may be because aku berada di dalam dilemma besar!!!

Mulai terasa lelah aku bertahan ..terlalu lama kau terdiam...terlalu lama kau merendam cinta....Berapa besar yang ku dapatkan ..tak selamanya ku mengalah ..tak selamanya ku diam...Bawaku pergi dari ini..di tempat kau berpaling..dan bila ku pergi dari ini akankah kau kembali? Harus berapa lama terus berjalan dalam hati tak teryakinkan..segalanya kan berubah...ku dapat menerima tapi tak mengerti...

Aku pernah mengenalmu, begitupun kamu pernah mengenalku.Kamu pernah berjalan disisiku, begitupun aku pernah melangkah seiring disisimu.

Kita pernah saling tatap lalu tersenyum.Kita pernah saling bercerita lalu tertawa
Kita pernah saling ego hingga tumbuh pengertian.Kata Kita kini sudah jadi Aku dan Kamu.Kata jalan kita kini jadi jalanku dan jalanmu

Begitupun waktu kita kini jadi waktuku dan waktumu,Begitupun waktu kita kini jadi waktumu dan waktuku

Kemarin kamu dan aku masih ingat kenangan kita..Kenangan yang jadi prioritas utama kita untuk tersenyuman masing-masing

Kenangan yang jadi saksi bahwa keadaan kita saat itu begitu berharga..Hal itu masih berlaku hingga kita mencoba untuk seiring lagi

Seiring yang diakhiri dengan kenangan baru yang tak indah apalagi penting.
Kenangan yang tak layak lagi untuk diingat oleh aku dan kamu...

Sebab memang benar Cinta sama tak datang dua kali.....

p/s: Kini mengertilah aku tak perlu menunggu..biarkanlah kau dan cara mu aku dengan cara hidup ku..maafkanlah kerna mengganggu kehidupanmu yang tak perlu kehadiran ku...

Asthmaradana

Assalamualaikum....

Sihat ker? Aku ...Alhamdulilah....sihat dan penat sikit..iyer laa tak habis2 ke sana ke sini. Hari tu ke Melaka then, ke S'pore pulakk.... baru2 ni ke Taiping...mak aaiii...penat nyer badan ni...semalam aku dok melepak kat rumah je...tak larat nak ke mana2....pagi tadi tiba2 aku kena asthma ....after so long... and aku dah lama tak guna Inhaler so tak de inhaler kat rumah sib...baik ada ubat..subuh2 aku telan pill and sampai skrg ni satu badan aku mengeletar....tangan n kaki aku mengeletar mcm org kene Parkinson pulak.Aku rasa mungkin badan aku penat sangat kot sbb tu laa kene asthma..dah 3 minggu aku tak kene asthma...so its a good progress...selalu nya tiap2 pagi mesti kene asthma...aku rasa asthma ni satu psikologi laa....kalau kita terlalu bergantung pada inhaler kita akan sentiasa di serang asthma without any reasons...kalau kita buat tak tau je and sentiasa bernafas dengan betul insyallah kita tak akan di serang asthma...

Itu mengikut pengalaman aku laa...aku cuba utk tidak bergantung pada inhaler...Alhamdulilah dah 3 minggu aku tak gunakan inhaler...kalau kene astha sikit2 pun aku bernafas mcm biasa..and it will go away.... kalau tak aku cepat panik bila inhaler aku tak de dalam bag or aku lupa bawak....itu yang aku kata is psycology...hehehehehe...insyallah...berkat doa dan exercise yang aku selalu lakukan asthma aku will go away.. amin...

Hadapi dengan senyuman....

Assalamualaikum....

Hi..sihat ke? Aku ok je...semalaman aku tak tidur....cuba lelapkan mata tapi tak blh ...cuba tak nak fikir apa2 lagi....cuba kosongkan kepala....cuba pusing kanan..pusing kiri...cuba baca ayat2 suci ..cuba berzikir...last2 sekali barulah tidoo.....

mimpi adalah kunci untuk kita menaklukkan dunia berlarilah tanpa lelah
sampai engkau meraihnya

laskar pelangi takkan terikat waktu bebaskan mimpimu di angkasa warna bintang di jiwa

menarilah dan terus tertawa walau dunia tak seindah surga bersyukurlah pada Yang Kuasa cinta kita di dunia selamanya

cinta kepada hidup memberikan senyuman abadi walau hidup kadang tak adil
tapi cinta lengkapi kita

laskar pelangi takkan terikat waktu jangan berhenti mewarnai jutaan mimpi di bumi

Sejujur manakah kata-kata?

Assalamualaikum,

Apa khabar? Jangan tanya bagaimana keadaan aku...hanya Allah yang Maha Mengetahui...Aku perlukan masa untuk bernafas dan berfikir...everybody need a little time away from each other...semoga perpisahan ini dapat membuat kita berfikir secara waras...ku kan tenang dan dia akan pergi...ku ambil cahya cinta ini utk terangi jalan ku....

Pengalaman masa lalu menjadikan aku begini.Aku bangun semula setelah pelbagai halangan dan dugaan yang mendatang tetapi kebangkitan itu sesuatu diluar dugaan dan kemampuan aku.Kerana dia...menjadikan aku begini.maaf andai ada yg terluka dan kecewa diluar sana atas perbuatan aku.aku sudah nekad dan sudah putuskan...
noktah!


PERJALANAN hidup setiap insan telah ditentukan oleh Allah s.w.t..

Setiap ujian yang datang telah disusun mengikut kehendak-Nya jua.

Namun tidak semua insan berpeluang menikmati keindahan hidup seperti mana yang mereka ingini

Suka duka menjadi rintangan dalam memenuhi kehidupan yang panjang berliku.

Sering kali kepayahan yang ditanggung mereka yang diuji menggugat kesabaran, namun kepada Allah mereka berserah!

Itu lah dunia tak semua yang kita nak akan kita dapat.

Sesungguhnya Tuhan tak beri apa yang kita nak ..

Tapi DIA beri apa yang kita perlukan.

Bila kekuatan yang dipohon,Allah beri rintangan untuk dihadapi..

Bila kebijaksanaan yang dipohon,Allah beri masalah untuk diselesaikan…

Bila kasih Allah yang dipohon,Allah beri orang bermasalah untuk dibantu…

Bila pertolongan Allah dipohon, Allah beri peluang untuk diambil…

Dan sesungguhnya bahagia wujud selepas derita.

Hanya redha dan qanaah adalah terapi terbaik buat jiwa seorang insan.

Tidak semestinya sesuatu yang kita perlukan adalah sesuatu yang kita inginkan, dan

Tidak semestinya sesuatu yang kita inginkan adalah sesuatu yang kita perlukan...

Hanya perjalanan dan masa yang diperlukan untuk kita menyusuri setiap apa yang terjadi dengan penuh hikmah dan bijaksana...

Cinta dan cita tidak sama..

Suka dan duka juga tak sama..

Kadang2 apa yang dikejar tak dapat, yang dikendong berciciran..

Memang benar kehidupan ni tak semestinya apa yang kita nak akan kita perolehi.Semua itu ketentuan ILLAHI.

Kemampuan manusia hanya memohon kepadaNYA semoga apa yang kita inginkan akan diredhai dan dimakbulkan...

Sejujur mana ikhlasnya hati ketika lembut senyum diberi...apakah ada tujuan...
sebalik senyuman itu...


"Sejujur manakah kata-kata...ketika kita bertentang mata, boleh kah aku percaya
mungkin itu satu sandiwara kerana sering pengucapan zahir batin tak seiring
ada rasa ada jiwa terluka hilang rasa percaya

Pengalaman telah mendewasakan mematangkan fikiran, pahit getir yang pernah kulalui
guruku sejati

Bukan dirimu ku curigai aku sekadar berhati-hati...tidak rela bakal ada yang kecewa...biar waspada"

Something is going wrong....

Assalamualaikum

Hi...pekabar? aku sihat la mcm biasa ....cuma fikiran aku berkecamuk 2-3 hari kebelakangan ni...Yup!! i pergi ke S'pore last weekend..tapi nanti aku ceritakan kisah trip aku ke s'pore...skrg ni aku nak ceritakan apa yang berdetik di hati aku...

'Ada kala ku merasa hidup ini seperti kaca...jika tidak bersabar hancur berderailah akhirnya..."

Sejak dari hari jumaat aku dah rasa tak sedap hati....aku rasa macam ada sesuatu yang tak kene...sejak akhir2 ni dia macam nak jauhkan diri dari aku..nak kata busy memang la busy tapi apa yang tak kene ehh? What have i done? i'm just sent sms macam biasa tapi selalu kalau aku hantar sms cepat betul dia jawap...kalau tak pun amik masa 20 mins kalau time dia busy...skrg ni...sehari sekali baru balas sms aku...kenapa ehh? Tentu korang rasa pelik kan? aku lagi laa pelik...hari tu kita jumpa dia sibuk jugak dengan phn dia..dok sms siapa aku tak tau...sbb aku tak berhak nak tanya...coz....itu bukan cara aku....tapi its very2 annoying laa.... and mcm tak respek aku kat depan dia....ni buat hati aku tawar....dan aku rasa mcm dia ada someone new and of course korang akan kata aku paranoid tapi itu laah hakikat nyer...aku malas nak tanya dia siapa yang dia sibuk2 sms sbb aku tau soalan ni kalau aku tanya gerenti dia akan sentap...so aku diam dan try to let it go...and i thought my S'pore trip will make it easy tapi its getting more worst!! Damn!! i hate this feeling...and tell u what ... i will just let it be!!!Malas nak layan benda yg boleh menyusahkan kepala otak aku ni...

So now i remain silent.... don't give a damn lagi..

Tell me

Tell me that I have a chance
To get a simple turn on this dance

To dance with your eyes, while I'm high
When I only have seconds to die

But I watch you through my soul
Although it's been a long time up this wall

But no matter how far I get
The sun won't shine, and the rain won't set

Tell me there is such a thing as hope
That there's more to this world than mope

That there are happy endings in dreams
Because these could only be found in deems

Tell me I can over come my fears
That there might be an answer to my tears

That I'm not insane to love
And it's not wrong to count feelings above

Tell me my thoughts aren’t right
Tell me there's an end to every night

Tell me I might see him smile again
And he won't see me as any other girl

That I have a chance to bear these years
And if I try hard enough some luck does nears

That he'll believe me when I say I do
That I will give my life for you

That I won't even stop to think
That I'll keep you higher even though I'll sink

That I will give every precious thing
If it will make you smile even for a tinge

So tell me that there's a chance he'll wait
That when I reach him it won't be late


p/s: Tell me what u want me to do....